cyan9
replying on Due Consideration by Dovina
22 Nov 2005, 8:36 AM
Where can you get this information / a transcript?
Absolutely full of actions to analyse and think about. Draws readers like me to think much deeper into your personality than most pieces that aim to state who you are. I think I might use this style later in order to try and shape a persons experience by the actions and pathways that you give them to analyse, rather than to present them with the analysis in a statement (may lead to a much richer form).
Back to the poem though, I found a slightly unpleasant break in the flow at the stanza with the unborn word to be an absolute high point of the piece. If you had continued with the flow all the way, I may have thought that this was a delightful little piece and should score it an 8 for having a nice rhyme; however the break in the flow caused me to pause to think, and thus dive into the analysis and the ideas that this provokes. My only problem is that I dont quite understand the 2 lines about statring "To give".
I like the melancholy here, the images of your head being bowed in shame, and the horror of the shade all add to the power and make for colourful language, however all words that you use are relatively simple, and so it reminds me of the Beefeaters at the Tower of London in the UK, who tell children stories of its dark and bloody past. The range and grab of the feelings here are extensive for a dark poem, which usually just try to get the reader to feel sorry for them; I think thats a good thing.
Yep.
But they were all perfect in their own way.
One I almost married. Wanna go 2 for 2.
41
My last three girlfriends: 19 - 33 - 41
Guess which one was the most perfect in bed.
This pretty well describes teen girls, but the last verse pales to the maturity of many older women.
To trump, by any definition including the ones you use, is to win or claim winning, which I care little about. Hopefully, that's settled.
1. My question to this kind of thinking is: Why do you want to discover my beliefs and then comment on them, rather than just commenting on what I say?
2. My comment here is similar: Why do you answer from the position that because I make a comment about God's existence using phrasing of that position which you think is typically Christion, that I therefore am probably Christian and should be addressed as such?
I could classify you before I comment, but I seldom do. Why do you invariably do it to me? I think better discussion results from comments about comments, rather than comments about inferred character or beliefs of the commenter.
Frontal lobotomy works well.
Yes, at least that. Apparently, you've never had a word stick in your throat.
Sorry to disappoint, but wrong answer. Caviots about my opinion verses yours unnecessary, I hope. I often receive comments and votes on old poems. Besides it allows readers to see all my posted work, better and worse, and to better evaluate it as a whole. That is, unless you're just too sensitive to hear any more comments on a poem you've already judged as bad.
Sounds like Eminem for some reason. Maybe I read it too fast.
Just kiddin' TJR.
Sarcasm is one of the simplest forms of comedy and is most often used by clueless highschool kids who lack the imagination or skill to say anything wittier than the exact opposite of what they are thinking. With that said I'll make my leave and allow you two lovebirds go back to your makeout session.
TJR, if your poetry were as well thought out as this comment of yours than you would never hear a negetive word from me. Really.
Is that anything like writing poetry for yourself?
No, something tells me there's a McGuffin in your story that motivates you. Maybe even you haven't discovered what that is.
Sorry it must be the relaxing effect of listening to the 700 Hobo names that's got me spewing all this hippy psychobabble shit.
In one second my little brother can fit an entire Big Mac in his mouth.
You let God beat you. Probably without any exertion on His part.
Well thanks for pushing me to raise the bar higher and you're dead right about the mass produced mercandise angle 'made in pattaya for 10 dollars' that kind of thing but harder and more concise.
Your comment has made me understand you so much more.
Its funny how you pick up on the whole art/painting thing - i was going to call these kids hitlers art as he was a struggling artist (and crap) but just couldnt find the angle.
I'm gonna rewrite another version of this for you zodiac.
Do you know this?
http://www.areasofmyexpertise.com/hoboes
PS-Your gift:
Q: If we could surgically remove a patient's negative emotions, and it worked better than meditation, should we do it?
DALAI LAMA: Yes.
Q: What if the patient didn't want us to surgically remove his negative emotions?
DALAI LAMA: Use force, with good intentions.
-from the Annual Conference of the Society for Neuroscience
November 12, 2005