Re: Devictus by nocturnalism	Dovina 209.247.222.86	22-Nov-05/5:01 PM
Why do you curse the gods for you unforgivableness? Still, it's a haunting lament.
Re: a comment on Waiting For The Light To Change by elderking	Dovina 209.247.222.86	22-Nov-05/4:55 PM
Fine, but I wish you had not removed my comment.
Re: a comment on Us Sinners by BrandonW	Dovina 209.247.222.86	22-Nov-05/4:54 PM
DOVINA: I could, and I could disqualify you because of them. But it would make no more sense than your trumping disqusalifications. Will you repeat after me: "I could stand up now if I tried, but I choose not to try."? I never trust someone who knows - Dovina
Re: a comment on Us Sinners by BrandonW	Dovina 209.247.222.86	22-Nov-05/4:52 PM
You may prefer it, but my image is less haunting. Sorry to disappoint.
Re: Mending by elderking	elderking 209.79.199.151	22-Nov-05/4:28 PM
Thanks for the comments. I've always had a little trouble knowing when the piece is "complete" or if it still needs some work. This piece I've been writing and rewriting for over 10 yrs!
Re: Waiting For The Light To Change by elderking	elderking 209.79.199.151	22-Nov-05/4:15 PM
Dovina- Thanks. It's mostly a true story that happened to me a few summers ago. That guy was bizarre! Thanks for your comments and interest. elderking
Re: Due Consideration by Dovina	elderking 209.79.199.151	22-Nov-05/4:11 PM
excellent; the last stanza (is that the correct word?) is simple and clear (a 'lesson' I could stand to learn!) elderking
Re: a comment on i dream in nine minute increments by ay deee	ay deee 204.90.50.252	22-Nov-05/2:55 PM
first of all, no, my snooze button adds nine minutes to the alarm, so every time i push the snooze, i go back to sleep for nine minutes. as a result, my dream is fragmented... and second, what is that song supposed to mean?
Re: a comment on Due Consideration by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	22-Nov-05/2:26 PM
Yeah. Look what they did to poor sweet little innocent Bethy.
Re: a comment on Us Sinners by BrandonW	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	22-Nov-05/2:10 PM
Ah, we come the old how do I know your not bullshitting me line. The answer of course is you don't know. For all I know you could be a fat bald indian in prison with his dick in his hand right now, or visa-versa. Actually from now on I would prefer you imagine me as that and that the image haunts you in your dreams.
Re: a comment on i dream in nine minute increments by ay deee	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	22-Nov-05/2:02 PM
No, he kept count by the song the little girls sang in the background. "One, two, Freddy's coming for you. Three, four, better lock the door..."
Re: a comment on Due Consideration by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	22-Nov-05/1:56 PM
No I really think this does for timid poets what the Heimlich maneuver did for choke victims.
Re: i dream in nine minute increments by ay deee	Dovina 209.247.222.88	22-Nov-05/1:49 PM
A 36-minute dream. Were you watching the clock?
Re: a comment on Us Sinners by BrandonW	Dovina 209.247.222.88	22-Nov-05/1:46 PM
Since you're asking the questions and can adjust the answers, sure, why not.
Re: a comment on Due Consideration by Dovina	Dovina 209.247.222.88	22-Nov-05/1:41 PM
A break in rhythm happens in a conversation or in a poem when I come to a place of such emotion or uncontrol that something in me wants to come out, but I grasp it in my throat. There I hold it for critical moment, trying to decide whether “to give” it sound would say the thing that wants to come out or whether reason will prevail and “give” the sound the mask I wish it to wear. Thanks for your comment.
Re: a comment on Due Consideration by Dovina	Dovina 209.247.222.88	22-Nov-05/1:40 PM
Do I detect a note of sarcasm? If so, good. Subtle sarcasm is good for the soul. As for those afraid to post their stuff, consider this: I don’t undertake only those tasks at which I believe I will shine. Such fear-based reticence would limit my play and exposure to others’ play in a child’s game aimed at education. I risk encountering ridicule, and even welcome it sometimes, for the possibility of a shining insight. It’s hard to be sworn at or likened to all manner of disgusting things, but as long as sun glimmers from that pool of urine, I’ll endure the stench. Or as a lost friend once said, “Poemranker is a great resource. It is like a huge thrift shop or, even better, a gigantic landfill. If you don't mind getting dirty, there are many precious things to be found under some especially slimy, fecally covered toilet seat or unwashed, skidmarked underwear.” I’m getting all mushy and teary-eyed now.
Re: i dream in nine minute increments by ay deee	cyan9 217.40.63.105	22-Nov-05/8:37 AM
Imaginative title, piece kind of reminds me of Sin City
Re: a comment on Due Consideration by Dovina	cyan9 217.40.63.105	22-Nov-05/8:36 AM
Where can you get this information / a transcript?
Re: Due Consideration by Dovina	cyan9 217.40.63.105	22-Nov-05/8:09 AM
Absolutely full of actions to analyse and think about. Draws readers like me to think much deeper into your personality than most pieces that aim to state who you are. I think I might use this style later in order to try and shape a persons experience by the actions and pathways that you give them to analyse, rather than to present them with the analysis in a statement (may lead to a much richer form). Back to the poem though, I found a slightly unpleasant break in the flow at the stanza with the unborn word to be an absolute high point of the piece. If you had continued with the flow all the way, I may have thought that this was a delightful little piece and should score it an 8 for having a nice rhyme; however the break in the flow caused me to pause to think, and thus dive into the analysis and the ideas that this provokes. My only problem is that I dont quite understand the 2 lines about statring "To give".
Re: Devictus by nocturnalism	cyan9 217.40.63.105	22-Nov-05/7:56 AM
I like the melancholy here, the images of your head being bowed in shame, and the horror of the shade all add to the power and make for colourful language, however all words that you use are relatively simple, and so it reminds me of the Beefeaters at the Tower of London in the UK, who tell children stories of its dark and bloody past. The range and grab of the feelings here are extensive for a dark poem, which usually just try to get the reader to feel sorry for them; I think thats a good thing.