Re: Spoken word (draft) by Adriaan	faithmairee 209.240.205.61	12-Mar-06/1:17 PM
i like a beginning and an ending, too...this left me scratching my head...in wonder
Re: a comment on We Do Not Write About by faithmairee	faithmairee 209.240.205.63	12-Mar-06/12:55 PM
first of all, thanks for your comments...the stirrings was used on purpose...and the magazine that this was published in paid me the most they pay for a single poem to publish it...i dunno, i will think about your suggestions though.
Re: We Do Not Write About by faithmairee	Ranger 62.252.32.15	12-Mar-06/12:46 PM
This is good - strong and concise. I would change the 'souls' in stanza 2; the rhyme there shifts the focus of the reader (well, of this reader anyway!) and I don't think the repetition works. Other than that, stanza 2 is excellent in my opinion - and so true! You might consider changing 'bothersome' to simply 'bother'...let the 'sometimes' do the all the work there. It won't make perfect grammatical sense (and there are poets here who prefer good grammar and logic) but it would flow a little easier. It's down to your preferences though, of course. Last two lines are awesome...out of curiosity, 'stirrings' made me also think 'strings' (of our souls) - was that intentional?
Re: a comment on Gone Bad by faithmairee	faithmairee 209.240.205.63	12-Mar-06/12:38 PM
Thank you for the wonderful compliment! You made my day! I love the blues...particularly chicago and the delta blues!!!
Re: i prefer steadfast by skaskowski	Niphredil 192.117.117.50	12-Mar-06/12:36 PM
I love visualizing poems, and this one ain't no exception. It's beautiful.
Re: Nightfall by Niphredil	ecargo 63.22.20.183	12-Mar-06/12:34 PM
Beautiful. "And now that it is late and I am free, I cannot bring myself to turn and go . . ."
Re: a comment on The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	12-Mar-06/12:34 PM
Dammit...now I'm in the mood for Zep III...*reaches for CD*
Re: Gone Bad by faithmairee	Ranger 62.252.32.15	12-Mar-06/12:31 PM
Unlike about 95% of the lyrics on this site I actually want to hear this one sung. Same applies to the rest of your lyrics...I never thought I'd say that here!
Re: a comment on The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	Niphredil 192.117.117.50	12-Mar-06/12:30 PM
Wow. I'm honored... It really is a good job, though. You've got on the one hand, the swiftly moving lines of the carnival action spinning out of control, and on the other hand, the cruelty and brutality implied in "flailing arm", "body blackened", "laughter follows cracks in porcelain". They work together well, creating a overall creepiness reminiscent of the Joker.
Re: a comment on The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	ecargo 63.22.20.183	12-Mar-06/12:28 PM
;-D
Re: a comment on The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	12-Mar-06/12:27 PM
Bron-Y-Aur Stomp? I love that song! It's the only reason I know what it means too...who said Zeppelin weren't educational?
Re: The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	faithmairee 209.240.205.61	12-Mar-06/12:25 PM
The pleasure was mine. You get a 10 from me for such a great poem!
Re: a comment on The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	ecargo 63.22.20.183	12-Mar-06/12:24 PM
re: bullying--it does come through, in the black and blue, in the grinning and the laughing, etc. The mottling of merle works, I think (had to look up "merle"--I only know it from Robert Plant singing about his dog, Strider--a blue-eyed merle--a million years ago); you probably even get away with churl because this has something of an "out of time" feel to it.
Re: a comment on The Best Thing I Ever Had by faithmairee	faithmairee 209.240.205.63	12-Mar-06/12:22 PM
Thank you so much for your comments. You made my heart smile!
Re: a comment on The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	12-Mar-06/12:22 PM
Thank you...vils are my new favourite style, but oh so challenging!
Re: The Best Thing I Ever Had by faithmairee	Niphredil 192.117.117.50	12-Mar-06/12:19 PM
That's a real lyric, not pretend poetry posing as one. It also feels very tangible; I think I would enjoy listening to this in my car, driving home at dusk.
Re: The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	faithmairee 209.240.205.61	12-Mar-06/12:19 PM
Wow! This is extremely well written! The flow was wonderful and your delivery very powerful.
Re: a comment on The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	12-Mar-06/12:17 PM
By the way, there were three villanelles on here that I learnt villanelle writing from; your 'Nightfall' was one of them.
Re: a comment on The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	12-Mar-06/12:16 PM
Spot on, although it's also meant to represent tears...this one has a darker side to it than anything else I've posted. As always, your comments are appreciated!
Re: a comment on The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	12-Mar-06/12:14 PM
With any luck the images of bullying will come through as well...otherwise I have some work to do! I did wonder whether or not churl and merle would work...my preference is to be as varied with rhymes as possible, but I might have overstepped slightly here.