Re: Outside the Perfection, Into the Yellow by Sunny	Ranger 62.252.32.15	23-Mar-06/6:38 AM
Yes, agreed with gw about the last line, and there are some stunningly vivid images here - 'naked blue background', 'magnolia trees' etc. work beautifully. 'Resolution of minced cocaine' is also quality. Good stuff, time to read your other post!
Re: Sea Words by ecargo	Ranger 62.252.32.15	23-Mar-06/6:33 AM
Yep, this did it for me.
Re: Squalid by Caducus	Ranger 62.252.32.15	23-Mar-06/6:32 AM
This is one thousand percent right. And well put, at that.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/10:49 PM
God is like a cat scratching at the bedroom window in the middle of the night forcing you to get up and let him in, because you assume that's the only way you'll ever get any rest. And then 5 minutes later he's begging to go back outside so you let him out knowing that if you don't he'll spray the brand new dress you bought and you won't notice it intil someone at the awards ceremony says 'What the hell is that god-awful smell'?! And then 30 minutes after you let the cat/god back out, just as you are beginning to fall into a deep sleep, he's scratching at the window again begging to be let in. So you let him in and you scream at him a little because otherwise you'd give him a swift sharp kick to the gut. He gives you this totally blank stare and you feel so guilty you take him to bed with you and he falls asleep curled up on your head sucking on the top of your left ear. of course you get absolutely no sleep, but the cat's happy.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/10:33 PM
God is like a bicyle built for 2 hundred billion trillion people.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/10:30 PM
God is like a song so highly pitched you can't hear it. After a time it makes you deaf, and then finally you can hear it.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/10:26 PM
God is like a warm comfy bed that swallows you whole.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/10:19 PM
God is like a dreamer dreaming he is dreaming a dream about dreaming.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/10:16 PM
God is like a soap bubble. A really big soap bubble.
Re: Life Is Like A Rose by x0lovelylarnx0	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/10:08 PM
You already are something, you don't need to grow-up for that. Quite the contrary; most folks forget who they are when they enter the world of grownuppedness. teen's parents hearts. Doesn't that sound awful to you? Young teen's is redundant. If you mean what you write then that line is saying kids who are in the lower teens(13, 14) excluding the older teens(18,19). Is that what you meant to come across? Don't preach in poetry. That too, is redundant. Again at the end you say ...you alone have your own purpose. That statement logically concludes that no one else in the world has their own purpose, only whoever happens to be reading your poem. Write what you mean. It's the first step. Read your writing carefully. The message in your poem is true enough, that's very good. But you should practice different ways of expressing things. 'Live life to the fullest' is not only cliche but, more relevantly, it's extremely vague. What gauge is used to measure how full or empty a life has been lived?
Re: Sea Words by ecargo	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/9:23 PM
Sweet and round. Sweet and round. This poem actually called up the ocean-front for me. I can hear the gulls squawking.
Re: Outside the Perfection, Into the Yellow by Sunny	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/9:17 PM
The ending kills this otherwise impressive poem. It's like watching two hours of a movie just to find in the end it was merely a dream, haha. Is it the sun that winces or you? There are some wonderful fresh images here, very original. Overall this poem is perfectly lovely.
Re: Butterfly Belly, Orchid Face by Sunny	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/9:13 PM
I think you should drop the entire first tri-whateveryoucallit. Like a pregnant women's. That is love... Drop sun at the end of stanza 3, or drop yellow. In the 4th stanza, why is there a ; after cold? The next line reads like the beginning of a new thought. I can't see how it ties in with London's smog head cold. It ends beautifully.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	Dovina 17.255.240.138	22-Mar-06/7:58 PM
Getting back to where we were before this diversion, you were saying, "To be like God or not to be like God" in what I take as an evasion of my question "What is God like?" I have tried several times to impale you to some substantial pillar to stop you from dancing around what you really mean. I've tried gears with missing teeth, trial attributes of "god," and compliments, all of which you have dodged. Now I resort to classification with its inevitable angerment. You are a Taoist and your god is Tao. Tao is nameless; if you call it something, it hides. Tao is before concepts, before individual things. And in keeping with where I am saying this, taoists believe numbers exist by virtue of the universe of numbers - because they are. Unless you straighten up and say something substantial about this God you claim, I shall be forced to post a poem entitled, "The God of Alchemy."
Re: a comment on The Right Call by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	22-Mar-06/5:58 PM
That's why you would be.
Re: a comment on Martijn by Chasz Misleading	Chasz Misleading 159.115.213.132	22-Mar-06/5:28 PM
I think it's interesting enough the way it was written, as it was intended for him, maybe I would've thought about it differently if it was for everyone else, I felt like posting it because it was sincerely honest and just felt it needed to be shared, though I don't need much justification for sharing something. Also, he IS Dutch.
Re: a comment on REM Sleep by mystic enoch	mystic enoch 68.105.63.178	22-Mar-06/2:45 PM
I don't feel comfortable talking about my dreams because of their subject matter. But some of them do seem real. Like I'm really there living it. I have not done any looking into their meaning because my aunt is long gone. I need to do that on my own to get to the bottom of it.
Re: a comment on REM Sleep by mystic enoch	Dovina 17.255.240.138	22-Mar-06/11:01 AM
A new movement started in third-century China, called symbolic alchemy. Alchemists started giving up the poisonous chemicals they'd been prescribing in the conscious world, and began applying symbols for them in a kinder etherial world, a kind of dream world. What are the symbols in your dreams?
Re: Butterfly Belly, Orchid Face by Sunny	Dovina 17.255.240.138	22-Mar-06/10:47 AM
A love poem that I actually love. "you that see exaggerated reality, must be kissed by love" - great. The first verse could lose the () for a preposition with better flow, I think. Welcome to Poemranker!
Re: Sea Words by ecargo	Dovina 17.255.240.138	22-Mar-06/10:37 AM
Great description. Could be the opening of an epic novel or the spoken intro to a wide-screen classic. But as a poem, I look for metaphor and meaning; maybe I missed it.