Re: a comment on O say, can you see? by Dovina	ALChemy 71.75.188.128	4-Jul-06/7:16 AM
It's just "bounded" to me implies actual borders or walls.
Re: Hugo by little_angel_maria	amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.184	4-Jul-06/6:55 AM
Hello Maria, As you can see, i am not the only one with the opinion I am about to share withyou. Ranger has the same views. Personally I ain't too impressed with your presentation and feel that you have to be original with this age-old topic Love. You've mentioned the word love toomany times and this also takes away the essence of the theme. I would rather you shorten your lines and fit it into beautifully presented verses (rhyming or free verses) with the same idea and theme you have in mind. Sorry to disappoint but I think I have to be frank in my opinion.
Re: August 23, 1944 - 102 miles west of Paris by Ranger	amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.184	4-Jul-06/6:46 AM
Great writing...although I can't add much by way of war-facts and distances.
Re: O say, can you see? by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.184	4-Jul-06/6:39 AM
Nice thought and pretty well conveyed too. I esp like the last bit... So pop that cracker, suspend the fight, enjoy the margin, and sparkle the night.
Re: Hugo by little_angel_maria	Ranger 86.138.69.187	4-Jul-06/12:27 AM
This is more of a letter (epistle) than a free verse poem, in my opinion - I wonder if nentwined might consider adding that as a category. If I'm brutally honest, this won't score very highly among many writers here. That's not meant as an insult and I don't want you to be offended by it. It's just that everything contained in here has been written countless times before. Love poetry now has got to the stage where you have to be original - even if it's just one brilliant, inspired line or passage around which the whole poem's built. As it stands this is a collection of cliches. For example, 'bleeding from the wounds in my heart' is just about the ultimate overused phrase in the world of teen poetry. I guess you could argue that it's how you really do feel. But then...don't you think that everyone else feels that way at some stage? And so if everyone wrote a poem describing the same thing, wouldn't love poetry get very boring very quickly? Be inventive. Read lots of poetry on here, note all the recurring images/phrases, and never, ever use them. The dancing in the park passage here is good - write about that. Write about dancing to no music whatsoever. Use 'love' no more than once in the poem though. "Show, don't tell" is very appropriate for that. Just telling us that you love someone makes us as readers feel nothing. Okay, so I've done a bit of critiquing. What I like about this poem is that the language is kept simple (something with which I struggle in my poetry) and, unlike 99% of poems like this, the grammar is pretty accurate and you've managed to capitalise 'I', which a hell of a lot of people don't do, and it annoys me ;-) Well, that's it for now. Hope this was of some use. Peace.
Re: a comment on Higher education by ecargo	Ranger 86.138.69.187	4-Jul-06/12:06 AM
It had better be innuendo, otherwise you and I are both going to have to think very hard about changing the way we read poetry...
Re: a comment on August 23, 1944 - 102 miles west of Paris by Ranger	Ranger 86.138.69.187	3-Jul-06/11:57 PM
I had to do quite a bit of research for this. It's set on the second morning after the Germans retreated from the Falaise pocket. I don't think the distance from Paris is particularly accurate, but it's the closest guess I could manage at the time (Caen's about 126 miles, Falaise is 18 from Caen, the road taken by the Germans was a little to the east of Falaise) so if anyone wants to set the record straight, I'd appreciate it.
Re: a comment on August 23, 1944 - 102 miles west of Paris by Ranger	Ranger 86.138.69.187	3-Jul-06/11:51 PM
Believe it or not, I have never watched SPR. I've been saving it for a time when I'm hooked on war rememberance. Like now, only when I have the free time to watch it...
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	Ranger 86.138.69.187	3-Jul-06/11:49 PM
I hope you weren't expecting us to give you any improvements for this, because really, it's excellent. Except for 'already been chose', but that's because I'm English and pedantic. A lovely read.
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	little_angel_maria 201.201.28.2	3-Jul-06/11:18 PM
hi im maria i really like your poem i think its exellent!!! well done mate
Re: Hugo by little_angel_maria	little_angel_maria 201.201.28.2	3-Jul-06/11:13 PM
hi people i just wanna say im back ill be posting my new poems of the last 4 years jaja bye
Re: a comment on How to Bleed by MacFrantic	Dovina 70.38.78.229	3-Jul-06/8:30 PM
You have become a hoax, unrecognized by the previous hoax.
Re: August 23, 1944 - 102 miles west of Paris by Ranger	Dovina 70.38.78.229	3-Jul-06/7:20 PM
I’m trying to remember the history. Without looking it up, I think this is Normande a few months after D-Day. The beach was secure and the Allies were moving toward Berlin. I kinda wish you gave the setting for us dummies. Some good language here, but I think “who’d” is no better than a simple “who.” “whittling of wind” is nice, but “remaining only” seems odd and not quite true. I don’t quite get how birds struggle for purchase, unless they are fighting to get the ring. No doubt there’s a true story behind this.
Re: a comment on O say, can you see? by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	3-Jul-06/7:03 PM
No battle intended. Quite the opposite. It seemed tiresome, all the internal squables within the boundarys - tyranny on one side, disorder on the Fourth coming up, it seemed good to consider the value of a margin for error.
Re: a comment on How to Bleed by MacFrantic	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 86.137.88.190	3-Jul-06/4:09 PM
What is this modern obsession with shirts without pockets? The other day I went to a party after work and didn't have time to get changed. When I arrived some people laughed at me because my shirt had a pocket. I was like "yeah I don't really care what clothes I wear I'm like more into the casual freestyle scene and like I don't need to be confined by the rigid 'no pocket' mores of society." The next day I rushed to the shops and bought a pocketless shirt. Good Christ what have I become?
Re: a comment on Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	ALChemy 71.75.188.128	3-Jul-06/10:35 AM
Thanks D. I like the way you put that.
Re: a comment on Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	ALChemy 71.75.188.128	3-Jul-06/10:29 AM
I'm glad it matched it's inspiration.
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	Dovina 12.72.34.125	3-Jul-06/8:49 AM
An old-time poem in a modern cage. Really nice.
Re: a comment on Goliath by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.184	3-Jul-06/7:31 AM
Thanks Dovina. Actually laziness in all reality isn't a giant slug, and for that matter all our various Goliaths , say, greed, money, gambling, drink, etc. When you actually want to get around it, you feel the actual battle rage within you. When you give in, you become the slug.
Re: a comment on Goliath by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.184	3-Jul-06/7:27 AM
Thanks ecargo. But I'm very bad at presenting riddles.... somehow they never turn out right.