| Re: a comment on Flowers by Dovina |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
13-Feb-07/5:50 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Edna's Christmas Farewell by Edna Sweetlove |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
13-Feb-07/5:48 AM |
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'Bumface' is even more awesome.
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| Re: The Ballad of Rakesh Rajani, Court Reporter by Rakesh Rajani |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
13-Feb-07/5:44 AM |
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| Re: a comment on The Medium of Dunce by Ranger |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
13-Feb-07/1:59 AM |
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Sorry, this is a rondel so the rhymes gotta stay.
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| Re: a comment on The Medium of Dunce by Ranger |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
13-Feb-07/1:58 AM |
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Perhaps I shouldn't have been so anal over keeping the capitals - it doesn't work without the 'not', I don't think. She's meant to believe that she is perfectly fine, and can't work out why people walk past without acknowledging her. I'll have a think about the semicolons - you might be right there. Thank you :-)
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| Re: a comment on Captured by Dovina |
Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199 |
13-Feb-07/1:06 AM |
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Nothing compounds the shame of having erupted everywhere more than the condescending cooing of a delightfully plump midden dweller. As you lick your fingers the poor man, on his way to an important assignation, must find a way of cleansing his trousers whilst bewailing his lack of moral rectitude and vowing never again to take the short cut through the shambles where the temptation of speedy relief from a brazen young wench is all too enticing.
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| Re: a comment on Edna's Christmas Farewell by Edna Sweetlove |
half.italian 76.172.249.205 |
12-Feb-07/9:22 PM |
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| Re: A Part of Me by Quarton |
half.italian 76.172.249.205 |
12-Feb-07/9:15 PM |
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I like it overall. The puncuation and grammar errors throw me off though. If you are going to use form to help your poem, use it to make it more readable. The form here makes it harder to read I think. Also, "with my beliefs though, I can no longer take refuge in them knowing" This sentence is grammatically incorrect. I think :)
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| Re: Swansong by MacFrantic |
half.italian 76.172.249.205 |
12-Feb-07/8:56 PM |
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The rhyimg doesn't seem to work. I also don't like the two 'ing' endings right next to each other on line 3. The last four lines, on the other hand are great. The rhyme works and the words all well put.
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| Re: The Medium of Dunce by Ranger |
half.italian 76.172.249.205 |
12-Feb-07/8:51 PM |
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I think you sacrafice something here trying to fit your meaning into rhyme. Nice imagery though.
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| Re: The Medium of Dunce by Ranger |
Dovina 75.82.86.162 |
12-Feb-07/6:18 PM |
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I stumbled over the âNotâ in line 4. Omitting it makes a better read for me, but you probably have something else in mind, perhaps that she doesnât understand the visions in the glass, but can only speak them. Also, the semicolons distract, and would better become commas for this reader. I love line 2 = 8. Well crafted.
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| Re: a comment on Captured by Dovina |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
12-Feb-07/3:43 PM |
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In all honesty, that one was rather a good poeme.
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| Re: a comment on Captured by Dovina |
Dovina 75.82.86.162 |
12-Feb-07/3:29 PM |
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I've never been an orca with dorsal fin rising erotically beside his, but that doesn't stop me from knowing her twitches. Just ask --=DA=-PI.
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| Re: a comment on Captured by Dovina |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
12-Feb-07/3:23 PM |
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Don't know, never been a grown woman either...
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| Re: a comment on Captured by Dovina |
Dovina 75.82.86.162 |
12-Feb-07/3:22 PM |
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Too childish for a grown woman to think when a gnarly hand captures her finger? No comment.
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| Re: a comment on Captured by Dovina |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
12-Feb-07/3:18 PM |
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Sounds too childish to be a teenager. Don't children colour their nails? I never was a little girl, so missed out on all this.
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| Re: a comment on Captured by Dovina |
Dovina 75.82.86.162 |
12-Feb-07/3:12 PM |
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I've changed the title to "Captured" just to stave off some of this erotica.
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| Re: a comment on Captured by Dovina |
Dovina 75.82.86.162 |
12-Feb-07/3:09 PM |
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Actually, it could be that, except she's got polished nails - thirteen or older maybe.
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| Re: self-suffocation by Phalkon |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
12-Feb-07/3:06 PM |
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And you never actually answered SupremeDreamer's (valid) question: what are you talking about when you say 'i tendons tear apart'?
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| Re: a comment on Captured by Dovina |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
12-Feb-07/3:04 PM |
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I thought it was a girl with her father; everyone else's reactions made me feel rather foolish.
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