Re: The Child in The Painting by PsydewaysTears	Dovina 12.64.66.80	7-Jul-07/7:45 PM
"There is" seldom works, especially at the start, adds nothing that I can see. "beyond the veil" - what does that mean? I can see this child though, so in spite of too many words, I get it.
Re: scene by Dental Panic	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	7-Jul-07/7:33 PM
I didn't.
Re: a comment on Miles Apart, You Say by Dovina	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	7-Jul-07/7:32 PM
wombat.
Re: a comment on Miles Apart, You Say by Dovina	xxx 67.172.190.253	7-Jul-07/4:57 PM
It has two flat tires, a warped frame and the wheels have lost their spokes.
Re: Body Worlds by Dental Panic	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	7-Jul-07/11:45 AM
Arier with cheer? You're so wierd !
Re: Miles Apart, You Say by Dovina	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	7-Jul-07/8:46 AM
yes, I think I'm going to let it ride.
Re: a comment on What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	7-Jul-07/8:35 AM
Thank you.
Re: Miles Apart, You Say by Dovina	Dovina 12.64.216.181	7-Jul-07/6:54 AM
Today is 7/7/07, the luckiest possible. Now gimme tens.
Re: a comment on What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT	Dovina 12.64.216.181	7-Jul-07/6:44 AM
I'd hug a truck driver who swings wide around me, but they're hard to catch. Have you seen the wheat piled on the ground because the elevators are full? It's a bumper crop in western Kansas, and a soggy failure in east Kansas. Lots of smiles around Tribune, sunflowers too.
Re: What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT	Dental Panic 85.146.196.165	6-Jul-07/2:22 PM
Very good poem. Top of the scale. Worth all the rereads. And so forth.
Re: Summer Loving by Christof	Dental Panic 85.146.196.165	6-Jul-07/1:49 PM
I like the image of the bottled wasp very much. I think it's possible to explore an image, or take it further, but you should never explain it - which is exactly what you're doing in the lines following the wasp: "Lured by sweetness, buzzing and wrestling And crawling the walls of the great empty vessel In which she is trapped." Ow! Guess I was to dumb to get it. The first part is pretty nice (skip one morning though), up to the lover's arrival. The rhythm goes out the window there and the whole poem becomes a bit lazy and self satisfied with stuff like 'fantasy girl' and such. And the grease doesn't do it any good either. Still, there's the wasp.
Re: Mice by MacFrantic	lexxie100 71.101.136.156	6-Jul-07/11:13 AM
nice rhythm. the rhymes are a little overused though. "pretend" "end" and "best" "test" and "run" "sun" they seem a little elementary.
Re: Runaway by Cougarchic	lexxie100 71.101.136.156	6-Jul-07/11:07 AM
i think this could be shortened, or slightly less repetitive, you use the same word- ex stayed and run and away too often. change it up a little.
Re: Lullaby by lexxie100	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	6-Jul-07/7:24 AM
I'm on the positive side here. Perhaps -memorie(s)- instead of night light. There's a subtle rythm in this poem.
Re: Cheers to the Eve of Christmas by lexxie100	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	6-Jul-07/7:18 AM
I think the first four lines could be condensed into one strong line. Mascara stains on the pillow should stay I think. -looking for the craven escape/ making the wind more bearable- is really good.
Re: Summer Loving by Christof	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	6-Jul-07/7:13 AM
Are you putting the -bottom of class against her heels? Raising her up, Physically and metaphorically, so to speak? It's the only thing that seems to carry no weight. I think the- Oh, bottom of class- is there without the statement.
Re: a comment on Summer Loving by Christof	Christof 62.121.23.56	6-Jul-07/1:22 AM
I like twisted! I'm sorry to say I'm not interested in her POV in this - it's all about the voyeurs on the platform. Thanks for your comment though.
Re: a comment on What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	5-Jul-07/7:22 PM
*Sniff sniff* I smell a metaphore. In case it is not: I used to bicycle in my younger days and now I motorcycle. I am well aware of folks getting splashed with invisible tide. I do what I can to lessen the effect. I'm sorry you may have had a bad experience. I like the wheatfields. I like the sunflowers. I need a hug.
Re: a comment on Consider the Grass by Dovina	Dovina 207.119.192.70	5-Jul-07/6:34 PM
From where I sit on this fine evening in Ordway, Colorado, looking west, the Rockies rise as pleasant relief from the vastness of the middle America plain over which I've pedaled these last weeks. Beyond them lies Utah and the desert, only to be followed by the Loneliest Road in America - Highway 50 accross Nevada.
Re: a comment on Consider the Grass by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	5-Jul-07/4:09 PM
so.... are the rockies, next? or the desert?