sir_heff
on some deleted poem
15 Sep 2004, 5:37 AM
i love it, very sexy..... reminds me of a situation a friend of mine is going through.... mmmmmm... oh sorry... really like the first half
i've seen alot of people in similar situations, and it usuly doesnt end very well. the more you want to change someone the more they are gonna resist you, he has to change for himself.
reminds me of a child, trying to force the square block into the circle hole... why wont this work? whats wrong with me, that i cant fix this? what am i doing wrong?...... stupid block....
crap sorry, got carried away there... anyway -9-
dont care much for jesus, but still agree with the idea, humm.. guess i can just change "god" and "jesus" to "chance" when i read it...
oh crap... better stop before i triger a religous conv.
mmmmm.....very erotic...
wow... humm... i'm kinda on the other side of this wright now, its sucks not being able to see the one you want....
And I have loads more, say when.
very good, last part gives me an image of two people wraped up in eachother and the sheets, while laying on a huge fether bed in a clearing in a forest....
almost makes me wanna to accept jesus... it never ends that nice when i start feeling that way... usualy goes very south -9-
hummm... you like to cuddle dont you? -9-
verry good, i'd comment more, but i suddenly have a desire for a smoke... humm wonder why.. give ya a 10 for the gritt refrence
i like the begining, kinda fizzels out at the end.
try to expound on the things people do, like how you can tell when someone is interested in someone else, when they go slightly out of there way to get closer to them, or only have a responce for what that person says, ignoring everyone else in the room.... not bad though.. -7-
I'm terribly sorry to have to tell you that you've misspelt peice. I assume it wasn't intentional?
You missed question marks (lines 4& 8). Correct grammar makes you look educated. I liked "under-wing", and that whole stanza.. But what does this mean;
"But Mary made demons before a wife
Her need was of faith, soon to be law"?
I love it, and yet I hate the apostrophised written-accent "x-in'".
Ok, so those are rather amusing.
Lyrically, call Ryan Adams. But poetically, I think it's lacking. Maybe I just subconsciously reject the use of the word "baby" in its slang context in a work of poesy. Hm.
Intimate and simple. Will stick in my head for a while.
That is the worst limerick I've ever read. It's not funny, it reads awkwardly and it just sucks.
What in the world is this about?
piece.