Re: Integration by jroday	al-naafiysh 204.215.33.193	27-Mar-05/3:27 AM
NO COMMENT!!!
Re: A Second by Luzr	juliharrelson 64.12.116.135	27-Mar-05/8:27 PM
Well, pink bunny/luzr, Another REALLY good poem, very real, too, like you are writing in your journal or writing a letter to someone about this girl. Just a few comments: ***The words I haven't even wrote yet ***Burning brightly on my tongue VERY good imagery! This alone made me want to keep on reading. ***And then I'll spend the rest of my evening ***Dancing a tactful tip-toe ***Between polite, and real conversation ***Remembering that words are weapons ***And you never liked the smoking barrel of my tongue ***So I'll have to try and keep it unloaded This really struck me. You are so open and well articulated that I can actually "see" how you and this girl are (or were), what your relationship is like. You tend to be hard, but you are tender with this girl. ***A second first, The only part that I dind't "get" was the "a second first". What does that part mean? Overall, VERY nicely done. juli harrelson :)
Re: true love by francis nor capule	Dovina 12.72.14.79	28-Mar-05/7:07 AM
I don't know these idyllic people in "so they say." Sounds like you could wait a long time.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 12.72.14.79	28-Mar-05/7:08 AM
Cute.
Re: Memories of a Suicidal Sophomore by CemeteryBuffsOnline	Dovina 12.72.14.79	28-Mar-05/7:10 AM
Not really a poem.
Re: Plato by not_a_philosopher	Dovina 12.72.14.79	28-Mar-05/7:13 AM
Plato has some very worthwhile things to say. Try reading him when you're older.
regarding some deleted poem...	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.3	28-Mar-05/8:03 AM
The ending was very cheezy and expected. Still as Dovina said, cute.
regarding some deleted poem...	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.225.159.58	28-Mar-05/9:15 AM
I think you meant "fury".
Re: "Lovers or Friends" by jroday	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.225.159.58	28-Mar-05/9:25 AM
Few typos here and there, and a nice piece but it lacks some of the finer points of craftmanship. Things this Needs A) A good title, that doesn't give away your ending, much less the entire poem. B) A better thought out meter. C) Spellcheck. D) A rewrite. Til then -5-
Re: natural by the_poetess	luzrheroguy 4.225.159.58	28-Mar-05/10:35 AM
Reminds me of my own writing style a few years ago.
regarding some deleted poem...	luzrheroguy 4.225.159.58	28-Mar-05/10:38 AM
Last Verse, Line 2 "I want you to want the same"
Re: Make Music in Your Heart by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.38	28-Mar-05/11:10 AM
"if in your heart a melody sings and you the one in debt and part of the reason I write now" Good thought but the tiniest editing on these lines would help the flow. -9- for now.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 12.72.2.220	28-Mar-05/11:12 AM
Funny story. The last verse, however, ceases to be story, and is properly categorized as “Telling” for which you must be chastised.
regarding some deleted poem...	juliharrelson 152.163.100.135	28-Mar-05/12:03 PM
Dovina/Pinkbunny: Thank you so much for being truthful. I know you guys are telling the truth because I just cannot seem to find my "old passion" and how open and raw I used to be at one time when I wrote poetry and prose. My journal is the ONLY place I get REALLY real and passionate. But thank you, again, for being real with me. I know this poem is missing something. Just gotta find my old self. Sincerely, juli :)
regarding some deleted poem...	juliharrelson 152.163.100.135	28-Mar-05/12:16 PM
Now, THAT is one HECK of a passionate poem! I think you pulled off the rhyming really well. ***Window slamming, ***Many looks, ***Paper jamming, This was the only part that through me slightly off. Is the setting for this poem an office? Sorry, if not. That's what came to mind as I read it. Very good.
Re: "Lovers or Friends" by jroday	blacksoul 204.215.33.244	28-Mar-05/3:55 PM
You did a rush job on writting this one pops, slow donw
Re: Make Music in Your Heart by Dovina	blacksoul 204.215.33.244	28-Mar-05/4:05 PM
D. luv the flo, keep doin' the dayum thang sugga.
Re: id by FreeFormFixation	Dovina 12.72.8.157	28-Mar-05/4:59 PM
You've got a good idea for a poem here, but it appears following too closely to the truth of the event. To tell the truth, you have to lie sometimes. To relate a thing, you have to change it.
Re: Make Music in Your Heart by Dovina	wilco 24.165.207.93	28-Mar-05/5:00 PM
Gotta love music.
Re: true love by francis nor capule	tisa7 4.11.251.16	28-Mar-05/6:45 PM
its so romanic i've never read such great work