Memories of a Suicidal Sophomore

Pain- why me? I wish it could just go away. Why must my life be so full of hate and pain? Tears- they fall from my eyes every day. Sometimes hours on end. Tears of sadness, never tears of joy. These tears hurt, they are tears of rejection and loneliness. They burn themselves into my skin, my heart and mind. Thoughts- Sad, lonely ones- ones only depressed people think- thoughts of what the world would be without me, if my family and friends would even notice I’m gone. I cry myself to sleep some nights, other days I cry until my “river” is dry. Why most it be me, why do I feel this way, 16 year olds don’t think of suicide. Each day I say “Today is it” but I never do it. There’s a person in my mind, a friend, named Janice, who is always there, a call away, an e mail. She listens. She holds me and cries with me, tells me not to worry, everything will be ok. Janice is my rock, my hope, my strength, my life. Without her, I’d be gone. I have attempted with the knife once before, but shed no blood, left no mark. The reason? Once again, Janice stopped me. I haven’t attempted since then and am getting emotionally better. I am a suicide survivor thanks to God, and Janice.