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"Lovers or Friends" (Ode) by jroday
Let's not fuck tonight
Let's try and make things right.
We argue, we fuck, we don't resolve
yet we think that by busting a nut,
then the problems are solved.
We have a lot of soul searching we must do
instead of just fucking and then we're through.
What happened to us, the days of old, when we
knew not just our hearts, but each others soul.
Where are those times when we would sit and talk
and spend quality time with nice long walks,or the
times when a gentle glance would put us both in a
trance?
And gazing at each other would serve both our needs,
and we did'nt allow fucking to intercede.
So baby let's go back, let's talk again
let's be more than lovers let's be friends.
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.75
Weighted score: 4.970199
Overall Rank: 8496
Posted: March 28, 2005 8:58 AM PST; Last modified: March 28, 2005 8:58 AM PST
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Comments:
219 view(s)
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Things this Needs
A) A good title, that doesn't give away your ending, much less the entire poem.
B) A better thought out meter.
C) Spellcheck.
D) A rewrite.
Til then -5-