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"Lovers or Friends" (Ode) by jroday
Let's not fuck tonight Let's try and make things right. We argue, we fuck, we don't resolve yet we think that by busting a nut, then the problems are solved. We have a lot of soul searching we must do instead of just fucking and then we're through. What happened to us, the days of old, when we knew not just our hearts, but each others soul. Where are those times when we would sit and talk and spend quality time with nice long walks,or the times when a gentle glance would put us both in a trance? And gazing at each other would serve both our needs, and we did'nt allow fucking to intercede. So baby let's go back, let's talk again let's be more than lovers let's be friends.

Up the ladder: Edd
Down the ladder: Bad-Ass Mudder-Fugger

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.75
Weighted score: 4.970199
Overall Rank: 8461
Posted: March 28, 2005 8:58 AM PST; Last modified: March 28, 2005 8:58 AM PST
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Comments:
[5] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 4.225.159.58 | 28-Mar-05/9:25 AM | Reply
Few typos here and there, and a nice piece but it lacks some of the finer points of craftmanship.

Things this Needs
A) A good title, that doesn't give away your ending, much less the entire poem.
B) A better thought out meter.
C) Spellcheck.
D) A rewrite.

Til then -5-
[8] blacksoul @ 204.215.33.244 | 28-Mar-05/3:55 PM | Reply
You did a rush job on writting this one pops, slow donw
[n/a] al-naafiysh @ 204.215.33.38 > blacksoul | 29-Mar-05/2:44 AM | Reply
You know damn well daddy did'nt write this shit.
He need to put his foot up your ass so far until
you feel the moisture off his kneecap.
[6] poodietat @ 68.51.106.137 | 29-Mar-05/8:57 PM | Reply
IMHO, the "friends and lovers" theme has been done to death. This undermines an otherwise decent poem.
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