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A Second (Pimple) by Luzr
The words I haven't even wrote yet Burning brightly on my tongue Tonight I'm burning like a torch Caught at both ends A canary in a cage And here comes the coal mine My head is racing and I'm me again Apparently I sing better With a switchblade to my throat So I'm warming up, Only god knows for what Is it you, yea, that'd make sense I wrote every song about you for so long That a single word from your lips Could warm me well enough As to have a rush of stories to tell I can't wait to see your face Hear your sweet innocent voice As you squeeze me tight For one second I will give myself, one second A second first To enjoy your familiar scent And remember only that you loved me You loved me once And then I'll spend the rest of my evening Dancing a tactful tip-toe Between polite, and real conversation Remembering that words are weapons And you never liked the smoking barrel of my tongue So I'll have to try and keep it unloaded Amazing, but not surprising You're still my muse After a full year, I still miss november nights Pressed tight to say goodbyes that lasted hours And the long drives home that you made worth my while Make me smile still, so I'll give myself this second This one second, A second first, Just a single second, Before I remember last summer

Up the ladder: A Moment In Nowhere
Down the ladder: Haze

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.25
Weighted score: 5.8740597
Overall Rank: 1512
Posted: March 24, 2005 7:57 AM PST; Last modified: March 24, 2005 8:12 AM PST
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Comments:
[8] juliharrelson @ 64.12.116.135 | 27-Mar-05/8:27 PM | Reply
Well, pink bunny/luzr,

Another REALLY good poem, very real, too, like you are writing in your journal or writing a letter to someone about this girl. Just a few comments:


***The words I haven't even wrote yet
***Burning brightly on my tongue

VERY good imagery! This alone made me want to keep on reading.



***And then I'll spend the rest of my evening
***Dancing a tactful tip-toe
***Between polite, and real conversation
***Remembering that words are weapons
***And you never liked the smoking barrel of my tongue
***So I'll have to try and keep it unloaded

This really struck me. You are so open and well articulated that I can actually "see" how you and this girl are (or were), what your relationship is like. You tend to be hard, but you are tender with this girl.

***A second first,

The only part that I dind't "get" was the "a second first". What does that part mean?

Overall, VERY nicely done.

juli harrelson :)

[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 4.224.24.3 > juliharrelson | 28-Mar-05/7:26 AM | Reply
"A second first" as in a new first glance. I fell in love with this girl at sight. "You tend to be hard, but you are tender with this girl", simply put, I love her. What she was to me at one time, will never be forgotten. She's the reason for my greatest high of living, and my greatest low. I'd die for a second chance to be with her.

<3 Jason
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.19.105 > thepinkbunnyofdoom | 29-Mar-05/10:06 PM | Reply
You are a marvel of incoherence.
[n/a] Luzr @ 4.224.24.123 > zodiac | 29-Mar-05/11:21 PM | Reply
Thank you kindly.
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