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A Second (Pimple) by Luzr
The words I haven't even wrote yet
Burning brightly on my tongue
Tonight I'm burning like a torch
Caught at both ends
A canary in a cage
And here comes the coal mine
My head is racing and I'm me again
Apparently I sing better
With a switchblade to my throat
So I'm warming up,
Only god knows for what
Is it you, yea, that'd make sense
I wrote every song about you for so long
That a single word from your lips
Could warm me well enough
As to have a rush of stories to tell
I can't wait to see your face
Hear your sweet innocent voice
As you squeeze me tight
For one second
I will give myself, one second
A second first
To enjoy your familiar scent
And remember only that you loved me
You loved me once
And then I'll spend the rest of my evening
Dancing a tactful tip-toe
Between polite, and real conversation
Remembering that words are weapons
And you never liked the smoking barrel of my tongue
So I'll have to try and keep it unloaded
Amazing, but not surprising
You're still my muse
After a full year, I still miss november nights
Pressed tight to say goodbyes that lasted hours
And the long drives home that you made worth my while
Make me smile still, so I'll give myself this second
This one second, A second first,
Just a single second,
Before I remember last summer
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Arithmetic Mean: 8.25
Weighted score: 5.8740597
Overall Rank: 1538
Posted: March 24, 2005 7:57 AM PST; Last modified: March 24, 2005 8:12 AM PST
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Comments:
220 view(s)
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Another REALLY good poem, very real, too, like you are writing in your journal or writing a letter to someone about this girl. Just a few comments:
***The words I haven't even wrote yet
***Burning brightly on my tongue
VERY good imagery! This alone made me want to keep on reading.
***And then I'll spend the rest of my evening
***Dancing a tactful tip-toe
***Between polite, and real conversation
***Remembering that words are weapons
***And you never liked the smoking barrel of my tongue
***So I'll have to try and keep it unloaded
This really struck me. You are so open and well articulated that I can actually "see" how you and this girl are (or were), what your relationship is like. You tend to be hard, but you are tender with this girl.
***A second first,
The only part that I dind't "get" was the "a second first". What does that part mean?
Overall, VERY nicely done.
juli harrelson :)
<3 Jason