vulcan
on some deleted poem
22 Apr 2008, 10:47 PM
powerful one!
Quote the maven, "Nevermore!"
Puddles of bloody poodles could be a follow-up.
I don't understand this poem, but I like it. It has a uniqueness and a lyrical quality that makes it stand out from the crowd.
Good work!
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
3 May 2008, 11:42 PM
for all you carl jung people
raven = shadow
pluto = soul
as that is the only reason I have used egar allen poe's poetry like this.... for that symbolism
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
4 May 2008, 12:14 AM
hey all you.... ever heard metallica unforgiven2? Hopefully, so cut me some slack iam dealing with a SAME soul mate here.... sheesh :)
It's gorgeous. Seems more personal than just a story about a lost love. There are undercurrents that I see clearly but don't understand. Fabulous!
This might be better in 4 lines:
circumstance and one gone away
in the next room, zebra stripped, cat
for a dream
and some Taurus, blank
or I don't know. I liked it so much I re-typed it. 9. Don't you miss the loudness of the electric typrwriter?
I'm impressed, and read this 3 times, liking it better every time. That 2nd stanza two-line opening is stunning, the yolk to the albumen of this poem. Thanks for posting, and the backstory must be epic.
I like it too.
Great works on your homepage.
No.
*tear
I've
Now this is SHIT. Absolute shit. I thought this was a poem, not your typical NA pamplet or state sponsored BULLSHIT.
With all this drug abuse, you couldn't delude yourself into being "creative"? Or is this what you call the apex of creativity for you?
Crap.
I would suggest trying to take out 90% of the "he"s in the poem. Each time, try to find a different way to approach the line/stanza. For example:
"""
He takes off, exhilarated.
Cutting wind with feathery knives
only to rest after exhausting the morning's meal.
"""
The above is not quite right, but you can see what I'm getting at. Try to add more variation. Another thing. Usually you can find a better approach to emphasize a phrase without using punctuation. Instead of putting a word in CAPS, make the description (in lowercase) strong enough to evoke the emotion you want without caps.
Good poem!
~half.italian
Are you calling the USA a bottom?
Vaseline (another petroleum product)will break the condom. Better to use butt-er.
My new face is...younger than before...a chaos
Of Nightingales and flow'rs.
Yeah. Works for me.
is this it....very good i must say