Such a common theme in young writers, so common that to do it well in a poem may me impossible. At the least it would take a fresh approach, which this is not.

Ugh...sorry. The very last four lines would be a good start to something, though.

The therapist in me says: You are responsible for your own hapiness, and that you put the weight of your wellness on someone else would scare the average well-balanced person...smile...that said, I REALLY liked the first four lines, and then I felt a gradual let down, more and more as I read.

Suggestion: I would think that to put this to music, you would want the same number of syllables, or some format of rythm in the lines. Hear my PLEA...not plead. OR hear me plead....one or the other; and the end with 'complete', when you rhymed the first three? Maybe the first three could be said another way as to not rhyme? I think either follow a format, or don't...but definitely don't start, then stop, then switch types, then start again. Too sporatic. All and all...seems juvenile, in form and content and generally poorly put together.

WOO-HOO...my very first vote of 8! (Actually the first above middle ground!) Good form, good rythm to the words, good content, good word choice to express the emotion...awesome job! Will have to look up lugubriously...laborious word there...but hey...a little educational enrichment never hurt anyone...and it makes me think an intellegent but tormented soul wrote this...,which feeds right into the tone of this piece! Two thumbs up! ACTUALLY, think I will change my vopte to a 9...just because this is so much better than anything I have read thus far...

While ordinarily, I would give this an 8, I feel that I must use your own sytem with you...to be fair and all..so I'll give it a 2.

I think you're giving too much away here. I'd shorten it and make it more abstract.

Sounds like two oranges being nailed together. I'd give it an 11 if I could. Since I can't, I'll give it a 4.

hear the pun about the crotch? It's a real groiner.

I would like to encourage you to keep writing poems.

Pick Asso?

aint line 2 so true lol.

tit in line 2 just makes it read wrong.

all the way bad. good.

I'm not much for puns and I have my doubts about whether you came up with these, but i'm gonna give you a 4 just for "anal flossing".

Are you actually going to play this one? or just let it sit there?

Ok, this is not great, but for 13 years old I'll say it's not bad.

better than your other one, I'll give you that.

A trip to Salem, you must take.

Quite frankly, it's just boring.