Bluemonkey
on some deleted poem
11 Jul 2005, 11:13 AM
Has it escaped your attention that nobody likes puns?
Good rhymes. Not wild about the poem itself, but I'll give you a 6 for that.
The first two lines get off to an irritating start because they imply a connection that is not there or not developed. You have not started from where the reader is.
If you're going to write about something like this...and be as graphic as you have, for God sakes, man, don't rhyme.
Most of these lines are good poetic phrases, but they seem too unrelated and fail to connect smoothly to an overall theme.
Please refer to my reply to your comment on the suggestions page for my reason for giving this a 0.
You're one of the few people here that actually seem to be learning how to write.
boo. You can and have done better.
Symmetry about the middle is a novel idea, but I fail to see how it all makes sense.
I kind of like this...despite what the general consensus seems to be..gotta go with my gut..
I'm confused as hell on this one.
Good God, man.
You need to be able to connect all this a little better. It sounds good, but a lot of it feels like it's just jumping from place to place.
just...Just...this song was Just too full of Justs...I believe this is called a "pimple" poem, or lyric, as it were...juvenile piece that may apeal to those around 14 years of age...good luck with your writing...keep trying!
WOO-WOOO-HOOOOO!!!! *CLAP* CLAP..CLAP..CLAP!!!!! bRAVO..BRAVO...TAKE A BOW!...(flings her red panties to the man in black attire...since they match the blood he's spewing!)I said I'd never give a ten...I lied...You got one!
Sounds like some lyrics I have read...They make good money...Could fly...yeah...sure...would like to here the music to it, though...
Well metered, and I like the Idea of it.
discarded plankton? What's that, and how is it related to a well? Her head held low in the ointment follows the title, but the rest of the images don't seem to work.
Ok, this one's not good.