Ha! Universe inside the mind ! Love it !

Don't use "hath" in this poem. The rest sounds good.

I think a period after "snowflake" and losing the comma after "warm" and "returned" might clarify things. Is the last line missing a word or maybe "ed" at the end of "dwell". It's a good little love poem. Jack is either a rebound lover or Jack Frost? Hell Jack could even be the dog. But if you were to tell me that Jack was the name of your vibrator I'd piss my pants laughing and proclaim you super-genius.

Ahhh...is that what it looks like in there...excellent...:) Bethy

Riddled with clichés and full of the early teenage wrangling I've read before in a dozen mediocre poems. Please, use your poem as a way to make your experience appear unique, not as a way to make it seem the same as others.

A Psalm and a Sonnet. Unique. Although I can't see how this supposed psalm praises god. Nice trans. though.

Points for sincerity and novelty. Minus for the i and for not going anywhere with the idea.

You've got some great images here. mind's eye brain's gray matter

Man... This really rocked me, hit me and moved me sideways. Putting this in my favorites. Damn.

B.S....leave the hath! (Everyone is entitled to their opinion , right?) And it is NOT empty! It takes great skill to use few well-chosen words to convey big images, thoughts, or situations! The canvas was well-painted here, not too much, just enough...leaving the viewer just as he/she should be, at the sight before them. (Don't you dare change it one bit!)

(I guess so...bummer!)

sorry...just did absolutely nothing for me, to me, or even nearly so. Just plain...and empty. It wasn't clear enough to fully understand, it didn't go anywhere, it didn't say much of anything.

brain's< spelling The singlualr period, in the second to last line, and then none at the end...fix that... and get rid of commas or use puncuation throughout. The transition here is uncomfortable> by subconscious gravity It flies on whimsical wings maybe would be helped with a period there? But then you start with 'it', without saying what 'it' is. I don't know...needs some work there. I like it though,; unique. So will give you a genrous vote...but would be higher with some cleaning up.

points for odd, and short. reminds me of twisp and catsby.

I think I'm too tired. I kind of like this. I might even be able to understand it. I really think I shouldn't be able to understand it.

This one I like.

Pair of ducks, sickly.

Isn't it ironic, don't ya think?

what? Say again.

hm. why the apostrophe on its? I'm seeing this as a puzzle, but I don't see the first bit of string to unravel. I need something more to make it tense, and I'd rather it actually be in present tense. Or I'm missing the cosmic joke, which would not be that unusual...