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Jack (Free verse) by Dovina I was a branch,
void of leaves,
naked and brittle,
adjusted to cold,
and could outlast winter.
He fell gently on me,
like a snowflake,
not needed, but warm,
like a spring leaf returned,
when a leaf must die,
yet he rested softly,
a repairer of breaches,
where no lack I saw,
restorer of forgotten paths,
creator of places dwell in.
Up the ladder:
Beware of Cruel Poets
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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.25
Posted: August 28, 2005 6:43 AM PDT; Last modified: August 28, 2005 6:43 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.029801 Overall Rank: 7357 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
I think a period after "snowflake" and losing the comma after "warm" and "returned" might clarify things.
Is the last line missing a word or maybe "ed" at the end of "dwell". It's a good little love poem. Jack is either a rebound lover or Jack Frost? Hell Jack could even be the dog. But if you were to tell me that Jack was the name of your vibrator I'd piss my pants laughing and proclaim you super-genius.
Good call on the last line. It should be, âcreator of places to dwell in.â
Jack is none of the above. Thanks.
The vibrator idea is worthy of thought and perhaps future translocation to the annals of poemranker.
I got my analytical abilities from my dad and my dirty mind from my mom. You can see how this combo can get me in trouble at poemranker. I was afraid I might offend you but my point was to point out how you can make something so personal and versatile at the same time. You have a great knack for that.
Jack: Your son? Jack Kerouac? Pet? See, versatile poetry. 280 view(s)
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A breech is the buttocks.
I can't speak for Dovina on this but I think she'd rather have Jack working on her breach and not her breech. But then again...