poemranker ::Jack by Dovina

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 130201

Jack

by Dovina

Member since 2004 · Posted 28 Aug 2005 · 8 comments

I was a branch, void of leaves, naked and brittle, adjusted to cold, and could outlast winter. He fell gently on me, like a snowflake, not needed, but warm, like a spring leaf returned, when a leaf must die, yet he rested softly, a repairer of breaches, where no lack I saw, restorer of forgotten paths, creator of places dwell in.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.25 weighted 5.03 rank 7297 views 280 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

A favorite of Landon2.

8 comments

[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 28-Aug-05/11:39 AM Reply
As a poeme, it's cack. Like a snowflake, but warm? So not like a snowflake, then? No. Like a spring leaf. Well which is it? Both. And a repairer of breeches.
[n/a] ALChemy › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 29-Aug-05/5:04 AM Reply
A breach is a gap, tear or hole.
A breech is the buttocks.

I can't speak for Dovina on this but I think she'd rather have Jack working on her breach and not her breech. But then again...
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › ALChemy 29-Aug-05/10:25 AM Reply
pun n. A play on words, sometimes on different senses of the same word and sometimes on the similar sense or sound of different words.

[n/a] ALChemy › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 30-Aug-05/5:04 AM Reply
I know what a pun is. It just appeared as though you were actually trying to correct her spelling. "And a repairer of breeches too." would have been clearer. Sorry I'll try to recognise the humor the next time.
[n/a] ALChemy 29-Aug-05/4:56 AM Reply
I think a period after "snowflake" and losing the comma after "warm" and "returned" might clarify things.

Is the last line missing a word or maybe "ed" at the end of "dwell".

It's a good little love poem.

Jack is either a rebound lover or Jack Frost?
Hell Jack could even be the dog. But if you were to tell me that Jack was the name of your vibrator I'd piss my pants laughing and proclaim you super-genius.
[n/a] Dovina › ALChemy 29-Aug-05/5:59 AM Reply
Good call on the last line. It should be, “creator of places to dwell in.”

Jack is none of the above. Thanks.
[n/a] Dovina › Dovina 29-Aug-05/11:53 AM Reply
The vibrator idea is worthy of thought and perhaps future translocation to the annals of poemranker.
[n/a] ALChemy › Dovina 29-Aug-05/12:16 PM Reply
I got my analytical abilities from my dad and my dirty mind from my mom. You can see how this combo can get me in trouble at poemranker. I was afraid I might offend you but my point was to point out how you can make something so personal and versatile at the same time. You have a great knack for that.

Jack: Your son? Jack Kerouac? Pet?
See, versatile poetry.