Re: I Can't Believe He Killed Her by jessicazee	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	14-Oct-05/11:52 AM
The "!" after "happy" sounds kinda crazy. Since when can't ghosts talk? Usually they aren't heard but...
Re: muted muffability by calliope	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	14-Oct-05/11:59 AM
Holy cow! I hope you don't have halitosis when someone has to hear you read this to him or her.
Re: Creatures That Crawl To Me by D P Robertson	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	14-Oct-05/12:17 PM
Nice stab at Poe like verse but the poem goes absolutely nowhere. "Caverns of creatures crawl". One too many on the alliteration. You can get away with that more with softer sounding vowels, as in "While I wondered weak and weary". Harder sounding vowels will start to sound like tounge twisters. Good job staying true with the meter.
Re: It’s getting dark by Prince of Void	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	14-Oct-05/12:30 PM
Your use of fragmented sentences is obtuse. "an eye" Unless your making some obscure reference to the movie A.I. which I doubt.
Re: Cycles In Circles - Shame by D P Robertson	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	14-Oct-05/12:46 PM
I think we all get it. Your recycling words. Now shut up already. I'm guessing you read Poe so read his essays on composition in poetry. He'll tell you to make your point quickly and not to waste the readers time. If you write something this long it should at least tell a somewhat coherent and interesting story. You took a nice stab at it though. Actually 126 stabs.
Re: 3312 by D P Robertson	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	14-Oct-05/12:55 PM
verbal diarrhoea (or diarrhea to us blue collar folk) and Rainman may be things atributed to some of your other poems but not this one. Good job.
Re: monday v2 by ay deee	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	14-Oct-05/1:05 PM
Are you man or woman? Because I've never heard of women being drafted but on the other hand you wear a skirt. Maybe your just Scottish.
Re: Was Everyone Put On This Earth For A Reason by cabot	oneglove 71.14.74.101	14-Oct-05/2:56 PM
yeah the spelling and grammer is a big problem, it's distracting from the rest of the poem, which is alright.
Re: Figment by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	15-Oct-05/5:10 AM
I see the idea now but when I first read it, it sounded like an amateur magician.
Re: Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis. by SupremeDreamer	zodiac 213.186.183.100	15-Oct-05/5:38 AM
That's the thing about self-love, isn't it? It's hard to find an audience as interested as you are.
Re: The End by Caducus	zodiac 213.186.183.100	15-Oct-05/5:50 AM
Q: Did you know that "The End" is infamously the name of the Doors' awful Apocalypse Now theme-song? Christ, maybe I AM old. Or educated.
Re: Figment by Dovina	zodiac 213.186.183.100	15-Oct-05/5:51 AM
Ha.
Re: monday v2 by ay deee	zodiac 213.186.183.100	15-Oct-05/5:53 AM
Can't trust that day. On a related note, I just watched that movie Elephant last night. Now that's some fucked up shit.
Re: muted muffability by calliope	zodiac 213.186.183.100	15-Oct-05/5:53 AM
Everything except the semicolon is great. Nice one.
Re: 3312 by D P Robertson	zodiac 213.186.183.100	15-Oct-05/5:57 AM
Whaddup, LA.
Re: It’s getting dark by Prince of Void	zodiac 213.186.183.100	15-Oct-05/5:58 AM
By "poetry of imagery", you can't possibly mean your poetry.
regarding some deleted poem...	Niphredil 192.115.60.89	15-Oct-05/7:33 AM
I feel hesitant in criticising a superb limerick which I added to my favorites list, but I think the meter is slightly off on the first two lines: how about, Love might be served à la carte, Take just what you want, part by part I wanted to give her My bladder or liver But she only wanted my heart.
regarding some deleted poem...	Niphredil 192.115.60.89	15-Oct-05/7:36 AM
Urg, way too cliched, way too kitschy, it reads like drinking a large cup of syrup. Sorry.
regarding some deleted poem...	Niphredil 192.115.60.89	15-Oct-05/10:34 AM
Wow. Too much alliteration, Demonik, it sorta rings like a tongue twister. 'Repressing, renouncing, rewriting religion' can pass, I think, but 'Guiling governments guilty of gluttony and greed' is definitely overdoing it. The last line is better... maybe the poem should be entitled 'The Puppetmaster'?
Re: Sleep It All Away by somemorepoetry	Dovina 209.247.222.89	15-Oct-05/12:37 PM
Line 4 seems there only for the rhyme. Just wrap YOUR arms all around me. But I like the sentiment and the subtle implications. With thr right tune, it'd make a good song.