Re: The Horror The Horror by Nicholas Jones	Ranger 62.252.32.15	17-Mar-06/10:29 AM
Stanza 9 - so very true. Well, I've never joined a socialist party, but still I hear what you're saying. Having missed the news yesterday I didn't get the story of those drug tests that went wrong...but that sounded like a 'The horror! The horror!' moment...
Re: The Horror The Horror by Nicholas Jones	ecargo 167.219.88.140	17-Mar-06/1:30 PM
"Mistah Kurtz—he dead. A penny for the Old Guy" Lots to work with here--many good lines and thoughts. Leans a little to the side of polemic though.
Re: The Peccadillary by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Ranger 62.252.32.15	17-Mar-06/2:21 PM
HA! Supreme, once again. You prove once again to be the poemranker Master of Rhyme (P.I.) Give me one good reason why I shouldn't blabber childish adulation all over your poetry! -9- 'To address a Knight of the Realm as a "Mr."' - unforgivable.
Re: The Peccadillary by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 84.66.28.251	17-Mar-06/3:22 PM
http://snipurl.com/nemt
Re: Looking Back by x0lovelylarnx0	Ranger 62.252.32.15	17-Mar-06/3:49 PM
Hmm...potential, but it really needs changes (in my opinion). The ideas are nice but the word choices don't do it any sort of justice. Try using fewer pronouns (this is a pretty universal rule), particularly if you want the reader to 'relate'. Also...think about rewriting this in the 3rd person - it gives you a lot more scope to be creative, to invent imagery and use metaphorical language. Which will earn you bonus points on here, trust me. Keep working at it.
Re: Mid-July by Ranger	Dovina 12.72.27.49	17-Mar-06/4:15 PM
An old-time Poe sadness, and just as good as Poe.
Re: Mid-July by Ranger	MacFrantic 172.191.209.109	18-Mar-06/12:04 AM
Pretty good, true to form. A bit of an awkward read, something about the rhythm. Still enjoyable. *8*
Re: Looking Back by x0lovelylarnx0	MacFrantic 172.191.209.109	18-Mar-06/12:08 AM
Good "conversational" piece, but a bit lacking as a poem. Was "elementry" intentional? Please say it was. *6*
Re: The Peccadillary by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	MacFrantic 172.191.209.109	18-Mar-06/12:12 AM
Sweet lord 'twas remarkable. I do hope you do more. Particularly funny: "To go on a bender with communion wine." and "To address a Knight of the Realm as a 'Mr'." *10*
Re: Likeness by MacFrantic	Ranger 62.252.32.15	18-Mar-06/5:06 AM
'Tis the season to be jolly...oh, wait. Good ending!
Re: My God by ElmoBeavisButthead	Ranger 62.252.32.15	18-Mar-06/6:13 AM
Hmm, I never was one for existential thought, but it's not a bad poem. I like the fact that it's concise, in a way, but then I'd also like to see it more...substantial, if you see what I mean. The first line sets a good tone for the poem; but as far as imagery goes you don't capitalise on the potential. I don't know, maybe you don't want visuals in here...that's fair enough, but my preference is to see something tactile - particularly something creative, something vivid and imaginative. Having said that, however, what you do say is said well...you don't give in to the 'preach-y' nature that often accompanies poems such as this. Have a look round various poems on here - see what you think to the styles kicking about. 7 from me - with any luck you'll get some useful advice from the better poets here.
Re: My God by ElmoBeavisButthead	ElmoBeavisButthead 152.163.100.65	18-Mar-06/6:31 AM
It's just I don't think it would sound right with "I" in there..
Re: Mid-July by Ranger	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	18-Mar-06/7:12 AM
Poe often rewrote his poems even after publishing them. He was THAT anal about them. Good stuff but these are the kind of poems you'll keep messing with.
Re: Mid-July by Ranger	Niphredil 132.69.238.221	18-Mar-06/9:31 AM
Well, I *was* going to begin this post with "Quoth the Raven: nevermore", but after reading other comments it seems a bit redundant... The poem is terrific! A little polish, perhaps, would be in order to earn this a round 10, but as it is, the flow is excellent (and I have no doubt that was tough...) , it reads well and is quite beautiful to top it off. Little critique with "Cerberus, her eyes resembled". The 'her' is unclear. If you're talking about your daughter (as it seems, since you continue to use 'her' in following sentences) then 'steel and gore' sounds way out of place. If you're talking about Cerberus, well... it ain't female! "Must she lay in darkness fading" - change 'lay' to 'lie'. I also think that 'reprise' in line 7 is misplaced. It means the recurrence or renewal of an action, not an amnesty or pardon. I think. That aside, it really is a lovely piece of work.
Re: Indiscrete by ecargo	Niphredil 132.69.238.221	18-Mar-06/9:47 AM
I wonder if your title is a spelling error of 'indiscreet'? Because if so, it sounds like you're giving a terrific description of waking up in a strange apartment, after a one-night stand. (jeez, I wonder if I'm waay off the mark here). Assuming it ain't a mistake, the title means, loosely, 'continuous' or 'not individually distinct', and I'm having trouble associating it with the rest of the poem which is very individualistic. I actually like this meaning better; it's unconventional and interesting, and I might just consider blatant plagiarism... *blushes*
regarding some deleted poem...	Niphredil 132.69.238.221	18-Mar-06/9:51 AM
Could someone please enlighten me? afraid I don't get it.
Re: The Peccadillary by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	ecargo 63.22.19.179	18-Mar-06/10:42 AM
It's all got me feeling quite delirious. "To deliberately pluralise 'sheep' as 'sheeps'" is no mere peccadillo, though--it's an abomination! I'd love to see your take on an abcedarium.
Re: The Tuesday Dogs by Caducus	x0lovelylarnx0 205.188.116.134	18-Mar-06/1:07 PM
How sad.
Re: Black Belt by etherealmaiden	Ranger 62.252.32.15	18-Mar-06/2:21 PM
This is cool, nicely concise - fast as though struggling for breath (due to the belt being too tight). There are a couple of places where I'd change word choices purely for rhythmical reasons - 'couples all around' I'd change to 'couples around', 'I must lose weight' would work better as 'I have to lose weight', but to be fair these are just small issues. Overall, not bad!
Re: Majdanek by Niphredil	Ranger 62.252.32.15	18-Mar-06/2:25 PM
Powerful; the imagery in the last 5 lines could possibly be brought out a bit more. Not sure about 'timber creaked with evil'...it doesn't really creak with evil - timber creaked despairingly, maybe?