How sad.

'Tis the season to be jolly...oh, wait. Good ending!

Poe often rewrote his poems even after publishing them. He was THAT anal about them. Good stuff but these are the kind of poems you'll keep messing with.

Sweet lord 'twas remarkable. I do hope you do more. Particularly funny: "To go on a bender with communion wine." and "To address a Knight of the Realm as a 'Mr'." *10*

It's all got me feeling quite delirious. "To deliberately pluralise 'sheep' as 'sheeps'" is no mere peccadillo, though--it's an abomination! I'd love to see your take on an abcedarium.

Powerful; the imagery in the last 5 lines could possibly be brought out a bit more. Not sure about 'timber creaked with evil'...it doesn't really creak with evil - timber creaked despairingly, maybe?

This is cool, nicely concise - fast as though struggling for breath (due to the belt being too tight). There are a couple of places where I'd change word choices purely for rhythmical reasons - 'couples all around' I'd change to 'couples around', 'I must lose weight' would work better as 'I have to lose weight', but to be fair these are just small issues. Overall, not bad!

Well, I *was* going to begin this post with "Quoth the Raven: nevermore", but after reading other comments it seems a bit redundant... The poem is terrific! A little polish, perhaps, would be in order to earn this a round 10, but as it is, the flow is excellent (and I have no doubt that was tough...) , it reads well and is quite beautiful to top it off. Little critique with "Cerberus, her eyes resembled". The 'her' is unclear. If you're talking about your daughter (as it seems, since you continue to use 'her' in following sentences) then 'steel and gore' sounds way out of place. If you're talking about Cerberus, well... it ain't female! "Must she lay in darkness fading" - change 'lay' to 'lie'. I also think that 'reprise' in line 7 is misplaced. It means the recurrence or renewal of an action, not an amnesty or pardon. I think. That aside, it really is a lovely piece of work.

Stanza 9 - so very true. Well, I've never joined a socialist party, but still I hear what you're saying. Having missed the news yesterday I didn't get the story of those drug tests that went wrong...but that sounded like a 'The horror! The horror!' moment...

"Mistah Kurtz—he dead. A penny for the Old Guy" Lots to work with here--many good lines and thoughts. Leans a little to the side of polemic though.

HA! Supreme, once again. You prove once again to be the poemranker Master of Rhyme (P.I.) Give me one good reason why I shouldn't blabber childish adulation all over your poetry! -9- 'To address a Knight of the Realm as a "Mr."' - unforgivable.

Hmm...potential, but it really needs changes (in my opinion). The ideas are nice but the word choices don't do it any sort of justice. Try using fewer pronouns (this is a pretty universal rule), particularly if you want the reader to 'relate'. Also...think about rewriting this in the 3rd person - it gives you a lot more scope to be creative, to invent imagery and use metaphorical language. Which will earn you bonus points on here, trust me. Keep working at it.

An old-time Poe sadness, and just as good as Poe.

Good "conversational" piece, but a bit lacking as a poem. Was "elementry" intentional? Please say it was. *6*

Hmm, I never was one for existential thought, but it's not a bad poem. I like the fact that it's concise, in a way, but then I'd also like to see it more...substantial, if you see what I mean. The first line sets a good tone for the poem; but as far as imagery goes you don't capitalise on the potential. I don't know, maybe you don't want visuals in here...that's fair enough, but my preference is to see something tactile - particularly something creative, something vivid and imaginative. Having said that, however, what you do say is said well...you don't give in to the 'preach-y' nature that often accompanies poems such as this. Have a look round various poems on here - see what you think to the styles kicking about. 7 from me - with any luck you'll get some useful advice from the better poets here.

It's just I don't think it would sound right with "I" in there..

Pretty good, true to form. A bit of an awkward read, something about the rhythm. Still enjoyable. *8*

Could someone please enlighten me? afraid I don't get it.

I wonder if your title is a spelling error of 'indiscreet'? Because if so, it sounds like you're giving a terrific description of waking up in a strange apartment, after a one-night stand. (jeez, I wonder if I'm waay off the mark here). Assuming it ain't a mistake, the title means, loosely, 'continuous' or 'not individually distinct', and I'm having trouble associating it with the rest of the poem which is very individualistic. I actually like this meaning better; it's unconventional and interesting, and I might just consider blatant plagiarism... *blushes*