MacFrantic
on some deleted poem
1 Jul 2006, 9:39 AM
This is just a great allegory and nothing less, bravo *10*
Superb. Read Empson's commentary on Paradise Lost. You'll take great glee in the complete reversal of meaning placed on Milton's work.
Not bad--you tell it well. The sentiments are awfully familiar, and "eyes wide shut" has been forever tarnished by its association with Tom (Crazy!) and Nicole, but you've got a sort of country-song cadence and feel to this that works.
The melancholy of this overcomes the limerick rhythm--it shouldn't work, but it does. Last stanza's my favorite.
I really like this, bunny--it's got heart and honesty. Moves along well too--I like the gunslinger image, it fits the hankering after adventure and romance; you could have taken it even further, I think (maybe that's another poem).
Where the hell did this one come from? Superbly archaic in format and technique. Therefore it meets with approval. Only complaint is "Rehash'd"...it just doesn't sound like an old enough word for the piece.
Excellent meter.
Nice mix of remembered detail and the uncertainty wrought by time/distance. I don't think "grandeous" is a word. Maybe you were just sticky. ;)
I like the beginning a lot--"gnashing your teeth and spitting out curses." Good stuff. I like the metaphor aspects the best--you lose me a bit when you make it so explicit what "goliath" is (you don't give us a chance to figure it out ourselves).
What biting satire! I wish I had your talent for picking out such original targets for ridicule. Southern, Bible-bashing rednecks -- it's about time someone took them down a peg or two. It must take a lot of courage to be so controversial. -10-
This poem remind me of a painting by Goya:
http://www.pkimaging.com/pic/mikp/art/go
Good questions, excellent take on Goliath. It's pretty ironic that the laziness fights so much...I think of it more like a dead weight against which we struggle. The only thing I'd really change here is removing the exclamation mark at the end...they rarely appeal to me in poetry. Others may, of course, disagree.
This is magic. I don't get why, though. Maybe it's the spacing, the openness like the sky. I think that's why I want the last word to be 'plain'. Three more lines of description after 'darkest sky' would seem right, somehow.
Do you listen to Arrogant Worms? This made me think of their self-penned national anthem, 'Canada Is Really Big'...
A+ ending good sir *10*
AHAHAHA glorious! Well done, another *10*
Actually I thought this was hilarious. Returning to the car/drive/gas was good. Typo line 11.
A lot more people are coming round to the realisation that global warming is inevitable. Also, the last I read was that the rainforests actually contribute about 30% of all methane emissions into the atmosphere; methane being more detrimental than CO2 if my science is correct.
Yeah good analogy. Goliath is big, bad and scary. Lets use him as a metaphor for all the big, bad, scary things in life.
I'd be more worried about the 72 mothers-in-law.
You're alive!
Hiya Mr. Bub. Good to see you.
Good smokes chain poets.
It's pretty funny. And I consider myself a "high-art aficionado"--go figure.