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canada day (Free verse) by Bill Z Bub I'm alive
I'm born at midnight
again.
premature stars
arcing sparks
snap across vastness
in darkest sky
uncountable blessings
just beyond
the pane.
Up the ladder:
Last Vein
Down the ladder:
Our Soldiers
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Posted: July 1, 2006 5:23 AM PDT; Last modified: July 1, 2006 6:29 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0596013 Overall Rank: 6724 Comments:
[4]
amanda_dcosta @ 202.164.138.126
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1-Jul-06/5:52 AM
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Reply
not very impressive to me.
Yeah not my best work thats for sure. I'm out of practice. But just you wait...
This is magic. I don't get why, though. Maybe it's the spacing, the openness like the sky. I think that's why I want the last word to be 'plain'. Three more lines of description after 'darkest sky' would seem right, somehow.
Do you listen to Arrogant Worms? This made me think of their self-penned national anthem, 'Canada Is Really Big'...
You're alive!
Hiya Mr. Bub. Good to see you.
Your name isn't familiar.
... INTRANSIT?
Right nationality - wrong gender, I think you'll find.
ok, that was just a wild guess based on the word "cargo".
The spacing works okay and there's something I like about it...still, just not overly impressed with this one Mr. Devil.
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