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canada day (Free verse) by Bill Z Bub
I'm alive I'm born at midnight again. premature stars arcing sparks snap across vastness in darkest sky uncountable blessings just beyond the pane.

Up the ladder: quick

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Weighted score: 5.0596013
Overall Rank: 6666
Posted: July 1, 2006 5:23 AM PDT; Last modified: July 1, 2006 6:29 AM PDT
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Comments:
[4] amanda_dcosta @ 202.164.138.126 | 1-Jul-06/5:52 AM | Reply
not very impressive to me.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 69.197.90.12 | 1-Jul-06/6:30 AM | Reply
Yeah not my best work thats for sure. I'm out of practice. But just you wait...
[9] Ranger @ 81.158.154.112 | 1-Jul-06/9:29 PM | Reply
This is magic. I don't get why, though. Maybe it's the spacing, the openness like the sky. I think that's why I want the last word to be 'plain'. Three more lines of description after 'darkest sky' would seem right, somehow.

Do you listen to Arrogant Worms? This made me think of their self-penned national anthem, 'Canada Is Really Big'...
[8] ecargo @ 63.22.18.184 | 2-Jul-06/12:35 PM | Reply
You're alive!

Hiya Mr. Bub. Good to see you.

[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 69.197.90.12 > ecargo | 4-Jul-06/7:02 PM | Reply
Your name isn't familiar.

... INTRANSIT?
[9] Ranger @ 86.140.66.53 > Bill Z Bub | 4-Jul-06/11:56 PM | Reply
Right nationality - wrong gender, I think you'll find.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 69.197.90.12 > Ranger | 5-Jul-06/12:57 AM | Reply
ok, that was just a wild guess based on the word "cargo".
[5] wilco @ 24.92.74.122 | 5-Jul-06/7:53 PM | Reply
The spacing works okay and there's something I like about it...still, just not overly impressed with this one Mr. Devil.
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