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CommentsComments 3501–3520 back. Include replies to comments

Jill Stockinger on some deleted poem 25 Jan 2007, 7:25 AM
Unfortunately true.
xxx on some deleted poem 25 Jan 2007, 8:27 PM
Poor deluded critter!
xxx on some deleted poem 25 Jan 2007, 5:24 AM
Only you are captured.
ecargo on The Passing by Stephen Robins 25 Jan 2007, 7:24 AM
Ace. "Ethnic splatter" . . . just ace.
Dovina on Controlled Euthanasia by Dovina 25 Jan 2007, 1:47 PM
Dovina: Inspired by “One in Ten Thousand,” Athena Workman, GUD. Just click at your left.
xxx on some deleted poem 28 Jan 2007, 12:56 PM
The content is fine. I have a little trouble with the form, but I am learning how to get over that, as a reader does have some responsibility. What bothers me is how everything is put together as an idea or group of ideas. It is like watching a bag of marbles spilling out and trying to focus on one in the stream. It could be just my bad vision (metaphorically speaking) or lack of proper intelligence (reality speaking). It seems more of a street-corner rant. (Sorry about the double message, I spelled a word wrong )
Dental Panic on some deleted poem 28 Jan 2007, 1:31 PM
Change the 'you' into 'I' and you'll end up with a derivate of Seamus Heaney's Personal Helicon. 'Now, to pry into roots, to finger slime, To stare, big-eyed Narcissus, into some spring Is beneath all adult dignity. I rhyme To see myself, to set the darkness echoing.'
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. on He's... by holliebollie_19 28 Jan 2007, 12:20 PM
There's a mysterious quality to this poeme... something I can't quite pinpoint... I find it haunting... real... it's very powerful... do you often try to evoke such emotions in your work?
richa on Controlled Euthanasia by Dovina 28 Jan 2007, 1:46 PM
I read the gud one. The only bit I liked was the end when she found him with peanut butter and struggling with a loaf of bread. I'm not sure the poem makes any sense though.
Ranger on some deleted poem 26 Jan 2007, 5:05 AM
Well the first eight lines are fine, after that the metre disintegrates, and if that falls apart in a poem then so does the message. Keep chipping away at this one.
ecargo on some deleted poem 25 Jan 2007, 7:19 AM
It's a bit melodramatic (lurid, to use your word). You've got a nice sense of language and rhythm, but it has a very old-fashioned feel to it. Think about what you're trying to say and then play with how to say it--this doesn't really, in the end, say much ("Words, words, mere words, no matter from the heart").
Ranger on The Glass by dancin_n_da_moonlite 26 Jan 2007, 4:59 AM
Keep playing around with this one, because it really has got some good ideas and potential.
Ranger on Controlled Euthanasia by Dovina 26 Jan 2007, 5:03 AM
The last stanza's great and the rhythm's good. It feels like it's missing a bit though; I tend to work in threes - you've given two punishments here, maybe a third would add to the effect? I've never seen a syringe flop, or is that line just innuendo?
xxx on some deleted poem 27 Jan 2007, 4:16 PM
Lower case signifying self rather good. I find this to be quite humorous (the whole of the work). Even if you are an old poster scamming, I enjoyed the read.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. on some deleted poem 28 Jan 2007, 10:46 AM
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. on Stained by fadedlove 28 Jan 2007, 10:55 AM
This so effortlessly achieves the vague air of guffing claptrap that wheezes out of all good poetry. Sublimely beautiful. A triumph. You have talent: use it.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. on some deleted poem 28 Jan 2007, 11:56 AM
One of the largest self-contained guffs I have ever seen. Larger guffs have been formed, but they were all composed of smaller guffs that joined forces to form giant dunce-omelettes. You are a colossal boob.
Ranger on some deleted poem 25 Jan 2007, 11:39 AM
Did you actually edit this, or are you just resubmitting it for better votes and comments? HINT: comment and thou shalt be commented upon.
xxx on some deleted poem 27 Jan 2007, 8:04 PM
You are persistently bad.
xxx on some deleted poem 28 Jan 2007, 8:24 AM
Just as bad as all the rest of your stuff.