Ranger
on Untitled by Dovina
21 Mar 2007, 5:49 AM
This is a terrible haiku about an 'untitled'.
Macfrantic, firstly you have a rubbish username, secondly this poem is moribund.
You call that a sonnet? This is a sonnet:
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
LMAO...well constructed, story told to great effect!
Not bad! Bit of a giggle...
I liked the idea of the evolutionary equivalent of spiked hair and tongue studs, and the two lines about barnacles and termite queens are good. The rest sort of lost me. I am not in a very perceptive mood tonight though, so you shall have to forgive me.
This is a work of sheer beauty, I intend to print it out and plaster it above my bed so that every morning I am reminded of the wond'rousness of life.
If it were not for your straining chief, Oliver, this could move erotically into a second verse of laughingly intense intimacy.
Is this about porn?
This poem makes light of the deeply fecund stirrings of the author whilst, almost unbelievably, illustrating the juvenile chauvinism that most men exhibit to their womenfolk. Truly, a Duchy Original hobnob perched on the side of a eunuch's head could not create more worrying signs of modern day degradation than the impassioned twittering of this middle aged proto-crone.
Good poeme.
So eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you die. Give up all this senseless gloom.
Self wrapping is easiest, less costly if you can grasp the ribbon with one hand and teeth...
I'd much prefer it if the final line was "snared by a bear trap", but I guess it works as it is.
I like the first part. After 'Of course, I miss', you start filling in the space that the poem has created. You could even drop the of course line too, I think. It's evident that you're going to miss that shot. That's what the poem's about.
haiku should be left to japanese.
western haiku always has this slight touch of sentiment, morality or metaphor.
Loth of as.
" u dont know what u are talking about do u ? "
everyone is a good storyteller ..what's big deal ? fellow