Don-Quixote
on some deleted poem
5 Oct 2003, 9:36 AM
im not sure, but i think #1 might be me first haiku..
cherry popper
drink deep the pink wine
of them shiverin cream thighs.
Whose IP is that? It belongs to at least 4 users:
Edible Underpants
King Abdulla I
King Abdulla II
Vampiros Lesbos
But I don't think it is Settle because it is a London based IP address. You've probably had this conversation loads of times before, and I'm probably being a doddery old fool who couldn't even "get with the times" if "the times" had accidentally broken both its legs in a freak bludgeoning accident, but do you know who it is?
Improves dramatically towards the end, but starts beached whale. 7.
I honestly can't vote on this. Morning to you to. I have to laugh. You certainly don't mince words here. I am more of a noon or early afternoon person. I change my mind.
This one word is great. It blanks my mind. It makes me hesitate.. It allows no room or not much room for misunderstanding. Yet I am positive I have not got it correct. Have a ten for the guts to do it!
Ten.
For that whole poemranker experience.
Don't leave us, dear Angel of Italy!
Bella! Wait! You were on the cusp!
Drink it down
and bite the rim
with salted tongue.
your brain will whistle
as the clouds spin away.
On the other hand, this IS the drunkards back alley of internet poetry.
The first rule of the dead poet society fight club, don't talk about the dead poet society fight club.
Second rule of dead poet society fight club, suck the fucking marrow out of life. And don't involve the
damn law.
(horus8 is, in reality, the orangutang from "Every which way but loose". Poet and Know It is a
pre-menopause Clint Eastwood.
Together, they fight crime!
That makes no fucking sense.
Its obvious I'm in need of brainsleep and have had quite enough Duckstein.
Good night all you marble-veined seraphim!
Sleep easy all you formulaic hippopotami
Your humor is refreshing.
I especially like....
Allah, Jehovah, Buddah,
and Satan are cracking up-
and damn eachother--- Are you running these words together on purpose by way of saying the are completely tangled up ( The Religious Folk, that is) or did you just forget to allow a space?
The h in haiku is not silent, so it would a "a haiku." How am I supposed to know who Aida is?
What's going through your mind when you decide to put a line break in?
well, i did say tighten the output.
its slightly anorexic.
(another micropoem.)
OOPS!
and damn eachother--- Are you running these words together on purpose by way of saying the are completely tangled up ( The Religious Folk, that is) or did you just forget to allow a space?
saying the are (I ment to say they instead of the.)
OOOPS Again!
(I ment to say they instead of the.)
I meant meant, not ment.
Gosh all Golly Jee Whis, how silly I am!
NOT SO MUCH A POEM?
THIS IS GOOD POETRY. IT HAS EVERYTHING A POEM SHOULD HAVE!{POOP}
1 is not a haiku, I think it goes 5,6,4 rather than 5-7-5, nevertheless it is snappy and kind of within the spirit of the haiku.
This like most attacks on religion though lacks the detailed analysis required for insight.
To me religion is like Dark Angel:
the non-believers know it to be bullshit, but it seems protected by its web of paradoxes and contradictions.
white and irish - cant be a gangster then.
It isn't really much of a poem, but it is a well structured story (providing it is going anywhere)
well carried, nice rhythm, a little prosaic.
And crickets never sing
through all four seasons
was my favourite phrase
'you fingered out the route'? a bit graphic perhaps
yes I get this, you are boring your kid with details you think important, and he trying to emulate you replies with details you find irrelevant, therefore reflecting on yourself.
could do with a little more lively poetic original language though
oh yeh and the relevance of perception is it stops you walking into walls
the rhythm breaks down a bit at 'through the mountain valley blissful the fungae forest meaty mushrooms'
overall it flows pretty well though
like the leafs fall at the beginning, could do with compacting though
'Now I die' seems hyperbolic and a lot of the rhymes seem forced 'knee/me, swim dim'
Still fast flowing and not too painful