A nice narrative, I liked the punch ending. Cute. the mother's red glow is a great image. Consider mom's instead though, either way 'twas good.

I get the flavor of prostitution here. A little button in my brain going on and off. Not attempting to insult. Rather the reverse. I still see a pay for play.

tank uwe, tank uwe-----my comp. is f'd, I apologize, & will repair the phrase-werk...should read linear.

b.t.w, excellent spelling in excellent!

Best musical since I joined.

sorry about the text-= it should read linear--will repair soon, friends

I like that it requires some thought to decipher; the sarcasm isn't immediately obvious - maybe I've just been trained to think poems about music are laudatory, dunno. The use of mawk is interesting, too - but I don't know if that's an industry term, or a "soundword" or it's supposed to evoke a feeling of sluggish fingers... in either case, it pops out like a sour note, so I think it's appropriate.

There are some nice bits in here, but I don't know - some of the word choices make me scratch my brain: Hurryness (odd coinage), tawdry (overused), lamed fur (yes, it is a correct usage, but hardly anyone will interpret it as interwoven fabric, they will more likely think of an animal with a broken leg), ardour(? missing a verb or something) I could see this being interesting if it were carried to an extreme, so from that sense it's kindof cool. If you are moved to tweek this, consider choosing the specific brand of cigarette, and maybe build on the, "his eyes flashed out by too many dusks rubbing rust into his eyes" because that, actually, has a nice flavor to it. Howbout replacing "bawdy jokes" with maybe a punch-line from one?

Short, sweet, and profound...fabulous!!!

i like this a lot, rockmage. very vivid, very fresh image construction. (e.g., "And still a practicing Nomad,", "And could only see your mother’s red glow./Here is where you could see separately.”" and it has a nice sense of humor, too. swank. keep on rankin'.

DISCLAIMER: I personally believe this to be an absolutely dreadful poeme. I only posted it here as it was the easiest way to get an acquaintance of mine to read it. At her special request, I'm going to keep it up, despite its evident mediocrity. It's nothing but a silly, pretentious rant about how I haven't been able to write any music in weeks. I meant it to serve as therapy, and it didn't even do that.

Kinda like something in this. why was green the color you picked though? Just wondering

This is the best rendition or the bloody practice I have ever read. I have to keep pulling my fingers away from the keyboard as the images blast though my hands. Ouch. Delightful irony.

You make me feel so lucky to have a long lasting relationship, ever how bumby the ride may be at times.

This jerked a tear and then a laugh.

No habla espanyol. No speaka da spanish. Or is this Itialian? Or Porugeese. I have to venture a gues that this is good. The other two I looked at certainly were. Sadly I must give it an 8. And this is only because I do not do translation.

I like things that make me laugh morbidly. Black humor is a good release. I once saw a sidewalk with a brain splattered on it. Let em try to fix that!

Yes, them lusty old goats seem to be able to kill all pleasure. Very irreverent.

Interesting.

and now to rate it. I think it is a piece worthy of praise there for I give you a 9 to bad there can't bea 6, right ;) kidding of course