electroman1979
on some deleted poem
13 Oct 2003, 3:26 PM
good poem, liked it
scintillating.!
ha ha, fits me to a tee as well, 10
prey, prey, prey!
take responsibility- it IS your fawlt-fawlt.4
I know how ya feel!
where can I get a typer that does that?
This one has been through the mill a few times, now in its third revision.
I've touched it so much it is now a part of me; difficult to see it objectively - I'm in need of more eyes. Many thanks.
why-o-why?- because, damnit!
Romantic & elegant- trees, flowers, wind, autumn. Not my thing, but solid.
hmmpphh!!!!
Good content, give us a few more!
Geschäftsreise
on Ù
صادر ÙÙسطÙÙÙØ© أ٠اÙاØتÙا٠by Wobble McFly
13 Oct 2003, 4:26 PM
Difficult to translate. Almost as difficult as the situation itself. But I understand where you're coming from.
you crack me up, that was good!
Wedged beneath my feathered bed
A sordid stain begins to spread
I think it's just an aging trout
But is it time to sort it out?
I tell myself I'll do it later
But then the task gets that much greater
And as it does my fetid room
Takes on a browner fungal bloom
I've naught to wear that isn't soiled
And that thing there is brown and coiled
But "accidents" are bound to reign
When Toilet's blocked and has no chain
So have a soul, and do take heart,
And please ignore that well-timed fart,
And tolerate those crude eyesores:
It's just that I neglect my chores!!!!111
The ending is fairly awesome.
I don't like that [the droplets] soaked into the floor; either I think of a cement floor in a factory, or via the title, a glass floor.
is kinda neat that life takes on this individual personality - I could do without the last two lines though (they don't really add anything nor are they beautiful enough to be ornamentation).
Pretty cool. I likey alot.
Suggestion: using "dying" as a modify on a man who is having his entrails tugged out (I figure he is gonna die) . . . How about something else about the man?
how about "naked"; that's pretty scary.
Come to think of it, I don't find "tugs" "surprisingly violent" - wrench maybe?
This is, also, very good ImO. I have no nits for this.
Nice!
Poor critter. I almost get the pity you feel here. I certainly see the lack of acceptance of personal responsibility. Basically boring angst.