Couple of points: 1) Science is easy, matters of the heart I have trouble with is quite common to write about. So try to handle it in a refreshing way. 2) If you must talk of science try and be precise with your word choice. Talking about 'things' may appear like you are blathering. Otherwise well written.

lol i dunno i wanted 2 draw something on here its not a concrete but i .. dunno -_-

do the .... signify missing words? my snatch is so smooth, cool waterfall, naked in this pool hall my dreams construct nothing useful images of you repell me so close your legs, your gaze consumes me in nausea touched so deeply you tickled my kidneys though your skin has not met minefields we circle the lonley hearts columns substance separating solvents our potential convergence divurging dichotomized by waves of putrid smells neither one consented to rape as you perform rape i leap into your mind and you ejaculate the mind that i fancy you possess fuck this fantasy of rhetoric Fart stifled and unspoken disgust smells i leave behind Trample on the rules concerning smells imposed by someone else whom didn't stink we surface through our sea of brown pulling in life’s fuel and turning it into methane viciously tearing compressed lungs LOLTTM!!!! our fabricated intimacy gradually budding Smells so familiar and unexplored Our arses allowed no life before and certainly none after structure, attitude, and ethics all destroyed conflating, i yearn to leave behind a seething cloud of gas the omnipresent norm defiled by our smells nudity delightful Stinking of turds we emerge from the toilet reaching out for contact lenses smeared in shit unquenched thirst fervent to be satisfied although liquid presents awkward stains We gather up the suitcase Fart,turn, walk away giggling lack of jurisdiction over my arse ------+==========10=========+--------

Plain as a sugarbeet, Yet I know a dandelion's trick, Clever like Newton. I like this!

Yes, we come here to be read, and get red. I don't get the trapazoidal pieces or why the waves are etherial, but I like the feel of it.

I am all about simplicity, but c'mon! Try reaching out from the ordinary rhyme scheme, and try being creative in your use of symbolism, simile, and methaphors! You dont want me to leave a vote.. keep writing, keep posting

Take that same idea, that same general message.. and try and completely rewrite it. Try and make it sound more natural, dont worry so much about your rhyme. I dont think its doing you any justice.

Oh, how we can all say the same thing in so many ways - been there - love it!

OK I'll step in and embarass myself. I don't get it. The first verse is ace, the second verse I get lost, the 'it' does that refer to breath, I can't see anything else. And the picture a bird - is a bird the angler -, an Rorschash test, an axe murderer.

This poem, as a handbag half full of sick, should be politely discarded.

This is the weakest parody of a Phil Collin's song ever. However thanks for reintroducing me to the ululations.

I was overly tired when I wrote this poem and pushing myself for others amusement take what you want of it and leave the rest

I think your poem was deadly and very sweet

brandon w is right it is way to juvenile not that it sucks it is very goooooooooood but it needs to flow

If there was a general direction in which the poem was supposed to be flowing, I could not find it. I'd like to see it rewritten in a less drousy state.

Right now, I am touching myself. the more devoted to god and poetry you become the more I see we were meant to be, together... Leather, Stetson hats. Shooting the falls in a barrel of urine and lap snorkeling attire. I love you.

Do you think _Evanescence_ is the best band ever?

'clock:' - with a colon. I like 'like girls' - without 'the'. I don't get the punctuation in the last line.

Good God...

Blanket party!