zodiac
on You by Fire_is_cool
22 Apr 2004, 5:38 PM
This reminds me of another recent post about the child of death:
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
I think this is more of an accusation than a poem
I really like your poem. Oooo Ecstasy!
Very, very, very, 100% true. I love New York, but as a New Yorker, I have to agree. It's a 10.
Not sure what it means, but I like what I get -8-
I really like this, actually -10-
Some I liked, some I didn't. I like more than not, so it's a 9 fer u
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
22 Apr 2004, 5:17 PM
I thought this was a poetry site.
This reminds me of a time when I let a man take me back to his room at the Middle States Home-Jerkymakers Convention because I thought he was a Negro. It turned out he was just a rather dark-skinned Italian taking advantage of the fact that (unbeknownst to myself) both of my retinas had suddenly detached.
lots of spelling and grammar errors.
is it me, or is this shaped like the midsection of a man with a semi-flaccid erection?
hey sal,
i like the feeling of this--it's escapist, and that really suits it.
it's in your short lines where this weakens:
to hear you sing.
and
None of them real.
i find myself wanting the same beat in these two, because the rest of it has a lovely sing-songiness to it.
the same with the ending--
look-and-feel.
and
sing for me.
as i was reading it, i filled in the last line before i read it with 'make me real' instead of 'sing for me.' tht's what i want, but damn it's so cliche. there, now you have it--i'm a closet cliche-ist.
i can see her eyes. funny, that. i don't remember her singing but i remember her smoking, and that dress.
nice
i feel...embrowned.
excellent fun, this.
nice enjambments. i struggled with a few of the words pulled out f order, but i see what you are up to, and i like it. and this, this made me smile:
till the wondrous
seriousness of keeping our feet under us
left us, and we fell.
thank you.
well done.
little things here and there to be enjoyed:
half-empty glass,
the broken record ( and the hiss
and catch and hiss of your breathing like an old song),
to shake you awake, call it quits,
So I kiss
your damp hair thinking you'll wake late from this
dead sleep, and maybe tell me what it was
about me I ought to have noticed all along.
swank little trapezoid with a roughed-up leg-up on the inside!
ooo weee...
or a list of opening lines for short stories?
Recently I have become fascinated with the idea of pulling one's cock out. I spend most of my day assessing the probable consequences of pulling my cock out in whatever circumstances I happen to be in.