Re: scene by Dental Panic	Dental Panic 84.27.244.4	8-Jul-07/8:24 AM
thanx for the replies
Re: Structure of a Woman by al-naafiysh	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 80.47.115.191	9-Jul-07/10:12 AM
"Nothing is more deceitful," said Darcy, "than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast." In your case, I'd say it's the indirect boast. But that aside, Womens always fancy themselves as "complex" creatures. The reality, I'm afraid, is heavily laden with shame: http://tinyurl.com/2bxrqo
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	9-Jul-07/2:06 PM
This is very good. What will you practice once you feel confident in this form of poetry?
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 67.172.190.253	10-Jul-07/8:07 AM
‘Claiming Everest’ does not seem to have anything to do with its title. It is similar, quite similar, to Dovina’s ‘Miles Apart, You Say’ and equally bad. I am very sorry to say.
Re: Farewell by Skamper	Skamper 58.171.54.220	11-Jul-07/2:30 AM
I know - it was all rather haphazzardly written. It is an old one that I stuck up here on my way out. I am travelling Australia for a year and will only post sporadically (got that from clueless)... thanks for the input anyway! :) cya when I can.
Re: On and On and On by MacFrantic	Christof 62.121.23.56	11-Jul-07/6:31 AM
I agree, this is too long and repetitious and inventing a word like 'diers' to enforce a rhyme just isn't on. 'I'm a headache in the head/Of an infantile cupid' is tautologous - where else would the Cupid have a headache? Really, this has no focus but misery.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 71.39.52.185	11-Jul-07/9:45 AM
Bolo is a tie or slang for Bolshevik. What other meaning would make sense of this? Do you mean wolves or wolf's? And what reference is there for "beast of war"? Then there's that old rock-tossing machine, the trebuchet, coming in at the end. Still, with all these difficulties, I get a feel for what you're saying, and like it. I shouldn't do this, but I'm voting a 9.
Re: bacardi, tall glass, lots of ice, diet coke by Skamper	Dovina 71.39.52.185	11-Jul-07/9:50 AM
"mighty" is just there to get a lucky 7, it seems. In what way is water frosty?
Re: Blanket Weed by Christof	Dovina 71.39.52.185	11-Jul-07/9:57 AM
I think you can lose "First." Comma after water. The green fleece image for a fish stuffed and mounted on the wall works well, but the complex way you develop it will leave some readers wondering what you mean.
Re: On and On and On by MacFrantic	Dovina 71.39.52.185	11-Jul-07/10:08 AM
Yes, it's an undisciplined rant. But I like: So I'm a disaster A miserable hackneyed bore And my mind's a whore Describes a "poet" writing to please masses.
Re: Blanket Weed by Christof	Ranger 86.131.57.106	11-Jul-07/2:53 PM
You've had the Robert Frost touch in your last few posts; this is the only one in my opinion which creates more than a sense of triviality. Very enjoyable, dear chap.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 86.131.57.106	11-Jul-07/2:56 PM
This is unbelievably depressing, not what I'd usually associate with you.
Re: Cotopaxi Store, Colorado by Dovina	Ranger 86.131.57.106	11-Jul-07/2:58 PM
Nice lyricism, I don't know what the stereotype of a country girl from Colorado is though - I need to travel more.
Re: I sang myself a soft goodbye by PsydewaysTears	Ranger 86.131.57.106	11-Jul-07/3:01 PM
I don't know if this is how it's meant, but with a little fine-tuning this would make a sweet poem for children.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 86.131.57.106	11-Jul-07/3:04 PM
I am not certain whether 'Kathumping' is meant to be onomatopoeic - Ka-THUMping, or if it should be pronounced Kat-Humping; in which case, who is Kat and what has she done that requires ice?
Re: Cotopaxi Store, Colorado by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	11-Jul-07/3:29 PM
i like this one. i would suggest switching the order of coffee and donut in line 7; i presume the "black and sweet" refers to the coffee, not the donut. in fact, to maintain the rhyme scheme you have established, switch it to "sweet and black". line 1 refers to her baseball cap, line 2 to her khaki hat. not sure if that is too much about the hat/cap. perhaps line 1 could be "khaki cap" and figure out something else to rhyme with either line 1 or line 3. as ranger said, this has a nice flow, kind of jaunty and carefree. nice.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 12.77.103.120	11-Jul-07/4:47 PM
The process of writing this kind of poem is in answering the question, “What is it that I feel?” Expression through art is an exploration of your experience. But instead, you have tried to make an emotion fit a category. If you want to express the terror that something causes, for example, you should not give it an epithet like “dreadful” for that describes the emotion instead of expressing it. Descriptions express emotions only in the sense that they clarify by generalizing. They groups a particular thing together with other things of the same general sort. Expression, by contrast, marks the distinctions between different things that might be described in the same way. To express your anger is to clarify it in all its particularity. The poet, grappling with a certain emotion says, “I want to get this clear.” She does not want a thing of a certain kind; she wants a certain thing. I could have handed you the cliché, “Show, don’t tell,” but that would be doing the thing I’m asking you not to. I don’t know if any of this interests you, but it has helped me to know how I feel about it.
Re: Coffee House Adjacent by Enkidu	Dovina 63.251.186.252	13-Jul-07/8:49 AM
I think it would be stronger with fewer words. "then to" "to each other" "there is" - What do these add?
regarding some deleted poem...	forsaken 24.153.186.246	13-Jul-07/10:29 PM
You sure u want it back
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 64.140.228.24	14-Jul-07/1:19 AM
Must be the vacation from hell. I live on a holed, cracked, narrow, dusty road and kathump along it on my way to work every day I love the ambiguous nature of the last line--makes the reader think. Good work rockmage.