I like the image of the bottled wasp very much. I think it's possible to explore an image, or take it further, but you should never explain it - which is exactly what you're doing in the lines following the wasp: "Lured by sweetness, buzzing and wrestling And crawling the walls of the great empty vessel In which she is trapped." Ow! Guess I was to dumb to get it. The first part is pretty nice (skip one morning though), up to the lover's arrival. The rhythm goes out the window there and the whole poem becomes a bit lazy and self satisfied with stuff like 'fantasy girl' and such. And the grease doesn't do it any good either. Still, there's the wasp.

Very good poem. Top of the scale. Worth all the rereads. And so forth.

Today is 7/7/07, the luckiest possible. Now gimme tens.

yes, I think I'm going to let it ride.

I think this is longer than it needs to be. Love stanza 6. Really, It just needs a thorough pruning.

Small and clear.

Arier with cheer? You're so wierd !

I didn't.

Change insulin to sugar, perhaps?

"There is" seldom works, especially at the start, adds nothing that I can see. "beyond the veil" - what does that mean? I can see this child though, so in spite of too many words, I get it.

"sandpaper days" comes from some song I don't know. If not, it should. 1200 grit is extremely fine, I think, like polishing rouge, which is what the top of some heads look like. How it makes Friday fall short I can't see. Would be nice to carry the metaphor further. comma after hammer. Last 2 verses good.

There is a good line in here, the one about chrismas I mean, but on the whole it drifts off in the ‘I make some kind of statement’ direction. You know, this and that: is nobody’s fault, no one knows, all I have, all I can, undsoweiter. It’s like generalising the personal in order to express an all too poetic mood of inconclusiveness. Perhaps. I could be completely wrong here. But one does have that liberty in the warm wet womb of the internet. Anyway, speaking of teachers – I just watched Taylor Mali perform ‘what teachers make’. I think your logbook poem is better, but this one is worse. So much for comparisons.

thanx for the replies

"Nothing is more deceitful," said Darcy, "than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast." In your case, I'd say it's the indirect boast. But that aside, Womens always fancy themselves as "complex" creatures. The reality, I'm afraid, is heavily laden with shame: http://tinyurl.com/2bxrqo

This is very good. What will you practice once you feel confident in this form of poetry?

‘Claiming Everest’ does not seem to have anything to do with its title. It is similar, quite similar, to Dovina’s ‘Miles Apart, You Say’ and equally bad. I am very sorry to say.

I know - it was all rather haphazzardly written. It is an old one that I stuck up here on my way out. I am travelling Australia for a year and will only post sporadically (got that from clueless)... thanks for the input anyway! :) cya when I can.

I agree, this is too long and repetitious and inventing a word like 'diers' to enforce a rhyme just isn't on. 'I'm a headache in the head/Of an infantile cupid' is tautologous - where else would the Cupid have a headache? Really, this has no focus but misery.

Bolo is a tie or slang for Bolshevik. What other meaning would make sense of this? Do you mean wolves or wolf's? And what reference is there for "beast of war"? Then there's that old rock-tossing machine, the trebuchet, coming in at the end. Still, with all these difficulties, I get a feel for what you're saying, and like it. I shouldn't do this, but I'm voting a 9.

"mighty" is just there to get a lucky 7, it seems. In what way is water frosty?