regarding some deleted poem...	SupremeDreamer 192.220.136.191	3-Aug-07/12:31 PM
Mispelled Occasions in the title.
regarding some deleted poem...	SupremeDreamer 192.220.136.191	3-Aug-07/12:32 PM
The title is shit. You should have titled it "Poetry". Or even better: "Rockmages Poetry"!!
Re: Eroticism by Prince of Void	SupremeDreamer 192.220.136.191	3-Aug-07/12:41 PM
Can you be more inorganic?
Re: The Occasional Love by SomeNewKill	SupremeDreamer 192.220.136.191	3-Aug-07/12:46 PM
breath = breathe? Also, this whole thing is confused. Many aspects of this poem reminds me of pimples. Though slightly more matured than the average pimple, it still possesses puss. Blessed with a two.
regarding some deleted poem...	PoetryIsDead 76.97.67.182	3-Aug-07/3:45 PM
so many topics in so few lines... and a title that has nothing to do with any of them.. hmm
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 67.172.190.253	4-Aug-07/6:21 AM
You really Think This is a poetry?
Re: Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 61.17.222.221	4-Aug-07/8:31 AM
I have now changed Stanza 3 line 1 to read "Seagulls in shades of while", which originally read "seagulls in pearly whites". Maybe this is a better option. What do you think?
regarding some deleted poem...	amanda_dcosta 61.17.222.221	4-Aug-07/9:19 AM
hahaha.. i found this very amusing. and just for that very reason I'll give you a ten.... :-)
Re: Beggar by MacFrantic	amanda_dcosta 61.17.222.221	4-Aug-07/9:26 AM
Too much emphasis on the word beggar. And yes, it rings quite clear that this beggar wants to remain a beggar. I like the half rhymes you use.... but still think you could come up with something better than ...'travels on to something rural.'
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 71.213.127.223	4-Aug-07/9:59 AM
I think your attitude may grow younger; I hope so. So keep pressing the strings, making the chords less clumsy, and unlike most people as they age, keep forgiving. Oh, yes, try to make you poetry less clumsy too. Best of luck.
Re: Beggar by MacFrantic	Dovina 71.213.127.223	4-Aug-07/10:03 AM
Please stop writing about this woman on a bicycle, crossing America coast to coast, now three-fourths of the way from Virginia to California. I can relate to much of the sentiment in this. What are you riding?
Re: To a Grunting Man on the Train by Christof	Dovina 71.213.127.223	4-Aug-07/10:07 AM
I am with you until the last three lines. The ending switches topic too much and is unclear.
Re: Mosaic by Caducus	Dovina 71.213.127.223	4-Aug-07/10:12 AM
Do you really need two "holy"'s? The first verse is a riddle - 4 generations I think. The last two lines are great. Thanks for making me read Psalm 34 again.
Re: Sadist by PoetryIsDead	Dovina 71.213.127.223	4-Aug-07/10:13 AM
Good title for this.
regarding some deleted poem...	Caducus 80.229.129.138	6-Aug-07/8:15 AM
reminds me of malcolm who i worked with, are you writing his biography lol
regarding some deleted poem...	dclark 67.140.204.211	6-Aug-07/11:29 AM
i haven't read all of your work, but thus far, this is my favorite... even though you're a better writer than me, i'd have to say the first and last lines should be switched, in my opinion. because if you're deteriorating then you're no longer waiting for the ground, right?
Re: My first Haiku by DJCopasetic	dclark 67.140.204.211	6-Aug-07/11:33 AM
Can you not write a better Haiku than a 5th grader?
Re: Voices Within by DJCopasetic	dclark 67.140.204.211	6-Aug-07/11:36 AM
after the second verse i just quit reading it.... you rhymes are to simple, and to everywhere... i agree with cheese doodles.
Re: Kill Criminals In The Name Of JESUS! by Sing4Jesus!	dclark 67.140.204.211	6-Aug-07/11:42 AM
i've realized you really love jesus, and god, and all that bullshit, but if you love somethings give it away, you may have heard that saying before. what i'm saying is in this song of yours, if you killed someone, i don't think your jesus would be to happy.. maybe try writting about some other things?? maybe? .......
regarding some deleted poem...	dclark 67.140.204.211	6-Aug-07/11:50 AM
this is disgusting, which makes it better.