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Memorial Park (Haiku) by Mona Lisa His faded name,
Carved in to history,
For us to forget.
Up the ladder:
The Cheetah (dedicated to zzinnia)
Down the ladder:
Moon and Azalea
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.952381
Posted: August 11, 2003 4:28 AM PDT; Last modified: August 11, 2003 7:57 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.935251 Overall Rank: 1408 Comments:
[9]
http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.145.128
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11-Aug-03/8:05 AM
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Reply
Nice.
"in to" into. Good title and nice 465.
This is exactly that combination of vivid and vague that I speak of in "A Brand New Eye".
First haiku I've liked in a while!
Very nice
Why would Mona Lisa carve anything? She was just a ginky painting.
I am pro-found.
nice
Bring your in and your to together. Other than that, increase your verb power and symbolism. For instance? Who is he. Where is the park? who's us?
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