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Ack Bassward, or something like that (Other) by thepinkbunnyofdoom Woke up early. Right around sunset.
Made myself a bowl of whiskey and cancer sticks.
Ate it down and followed it up with a chasing screwdriver.
Walked outside to my lemon colored motor tryke.
Got on back and drove off onto the lake, four miles off the road.
So here I am. Just sitting on the shore of this infernos they call a
lake.
When along comes this girl. She's selling her virginity.
So I figure why not? After all that glow is kinda nice.
So I no sooner have it than she becomes a whore.
Being a new virgin and naive to what she had become she took it from me.
Sourly disappointed I ran off in a huff. After walking for about an hour
I reached the road.
Being in foul temperament and naked I decide to use my thumb to get a
ride.
Along came a biker and he said hop on.
Still retaining some of my naivety I decided against my better judgment
and got on back.
Shortly there after I was brought to this bar where he gathered with his
pack.
With hussed whispers they talked of things I hope I shall never come
about.
Sensing my own impending doom I quickly to my surroundings in.
Smokey bar, with guards at the exits but none watching the bathroom.
So I walk in proclaiming taking a leak, and whom should I meet?
A man clearly not able to hold his liquor down past out on the floor.
Much as I'd rather not I take his clothes and manage to fit them on.
I then proceed to sneak out the window and walk out to where my host
parked.
I watched in terror as they pulled the drunken lout out and he was
beaten and burnt screaming.
They lit him up with Kerosene and set his body a flame with some left
over nicotine.
Oddly enough the police arrived shortly there after and I was put into a
cage.
Here I told my story and almost convinced them of my story when in came
this shrink.
Suddenly I was two feet tall and had lost my tongue. I ended up
confessing to everything.
So there after in the cell right next to me was this man selling me his
dignity.
For a cigarette and a favor I didn't intend to live up too, he let me
have it.
Shortly there after I managed to convince them I was insane.
They put me alone in my cell and the shrink came to talk to me again.
Once again I got two feet tall, but this time I ran out under all the
bars and threw myself out the laundry shoot.
In the laundry room I got to feeling better and grew back to normal size,
and grabbed a guards uniform.
I walked out and to this day none are the wiser.
Muwhahahahahaha
Up the ladder:
Transfer
Down the ladder:
Wigging out
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.9545455
Posted: June 27, 2003 12:39 AM PDT; Last modified: June 27, 2003 12:39 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.9193907 Overall Rank: 203 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
YEAH AHAHAHAHAHA this is the best poem you have ever written it kinda reminds me of nude envelopment site but still its great the last two lines make it! i dont really get the virgin girl bit tho....am i being dense?
No its just really illogical. A girl selling her virginity as if it was a tangible object as opposed to an action. It was mostly an example for later buying a man's dignity but I could see so many possible meanings being read into it.
Dude, you need to go out on the town or to the lake with someone that knows what in the fuck they are doing, because this is reaching everywhere and getting no where. can I edit it for you? Good god I split my pants just about roaring at your observations, not that they are shite, just put to structure with a style and mood that's boring and to riskless. Let me edit this and teach you my style for handling this kind of predicament. Deal?
Deal. Go for it. I like it as it stands but eh? I'm a Kid. What the hell would I know? Seriously though give it a shot. Worst that could happen would be that you take an Idea I expressed and express it better than me and I'd be absolutly amazed. Though I'll try not to develop my own flavor to your "style" when you get done with it.
Ack Bassward (freeverse) by TPBOD edited by horus8
Woke up early. Right around sunset. Made myself a bowl of whiskey ala cancer stick. Gobbled it down, and followed it up black label to red with a screwdriver (a flathead). Walked outside to my tone lemon motor tryke. Got on and drove to the lake. Four miles off a dirty road on a child's bike. So here I am. Just sitting on the shore of this Salton Sea inferno impersonating a hangout. When along comes this girl with a shake as clout. She's selling her virginity first hand over fist. So I figure why not? After all, her glow is kinda first & last kiss. I no sooner have it than she goes whore. Being a new virgin and naive to what explored, she took it back from me changed but not sore. Bitterly disappointed I ran off in a huff. After walking for an hour, gone mad in the buff I reached the dirtiest roads end. Where the pavement begins. But being of foul temperament & nude, I decide to use my thumb to pull a ride. Along came a biker, he said, "Tis warmer inside". Still retaining all of my stupidity, I decided against my better judgment brilliantly. and got on the back with a smack. Shortly there after, I was brought to the bar where he gathered with his pack. With Mod whispers they talked of things that could be. Sensing my impending doom I optioned to flee. A smokey bar with guards at the exits, but none watching the bathroom. So I walk in proclaiming 'a lizard drain', and whom should I meet with nothing to gain? A man clearly not able to hold his own liquor. So he held everyone elses & slept on the floor. Much as I hated myself, I stole his floral blouse. I then proceed to sneak out the window and creep out to where my mustached host had parked. I watched in terror as they pulled the drunken lout out where he was beatin stinky with a trout. Oddly enough the police arrived shortly there after and I was put into a cage for being nude without a gown or a cathater. I told my story convincing with winks Until a shrink came in with a pen, but no ink. Suddenly I was two feet tall, and the cat lost my tongue. I ended up confessing to everything. Boy the songs this bird sung. There after in the cell right next to me. Was a man selling more than his dignity. For a cigarette and a favor, I didn't intend to live up too, he let me have it, twice, what can a boy do?. Shortly there after, again, I managed to convince them that I was insane. They put me alone in my cell and the shrink came once again, this time with ink and no name. Again I became two mighty scared feet, but this time I ran out under all of their heat. I threw myself in through a laundry shoot. In the washing machine room I got to feeling cleaner and grew back. Maybe if I dressed like them they'd cut me some slack? I left twirling my night stick & never looked back.
maybe even end it with & I soon got the knack.
Very nice but entirely your style not mine. You really didn't do justice to the poor drunk whose clothing I stole, I rather liked portraying him being burnt to death, and I wasn't nude when arrested. Other than that your variance is frightfully good but not I still like my original better.
Because in the real world that wouldn't happen, and in a imaginary world it would be considered unimaginatively boring, unorganic as far as the story goes, and irrelevant first off. Secondly, it's not my style, I tailored it to you. If it was mine, it wouldn't be posted because it has NO focus, no center. What you've done here is invented something better left to lie around longer in the hopes of being put to better use than that.
1) It's horrendously long. 2) has the shape of pigeon shit on a slow moving vehicle. 3) Attempts wildly to be cool and different, but insteads winds up cold and humorless. 4) Starts off at something worth writing about & ends up at something not worth reading entirely. Muwahhaha or not. 5) Writing is an exercise in communicating specific ideas. not to listen to yourself be unspecific
Your opinion of my style and my style are 2 different things and my poem is what it is, MY POEM. How you feel about it is dandy, but in the end, that doesn't really matter. I made no real attempt at anything other than writing something to amuse myself, which it did, so in the end its purpose was served. There are actually serveral Ideas expressed here, much as you seem not to believe it. One of which being that innocense can be bought (Girl selling her virginity). Another being that being too trusting can end up getting you killed, as well as not knowing your limit (the whole biker, bar, drunk being burnt to death). Another great one being that Everything has a price (dignity). See Ideas, put into a blender with, Creativity, Insanity, A small dose of Humor(which even you have to admit is there at least on some level or else your lying to yourself). Pour into a glass(poetic story form) and You have yourself a niffy little Milkshake I like to call ack basswards or something like that. Muwahahahahahahaha
Ah, well.. all these concepts so miraculously weaved into this poem just... doesnt strike me as imaginative or new.. old ideas written into a strange remix. Poetic story form? ah.. heh. one should perhaps question the purpose or usefullness of using such form for this poem? eh?
Tales such as love, heartache, corruption, and most every other idea ever thought up are as old as man. It is only thru variation of the tale that they have survived and managed to progress on further despite being as old as we are.
Sorry about the criticism of your poem. I Was
in a lousy mood and after reading it again, it does have merit though it would work better if you said more with less.)
Spoiled by the last line.
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but I can't take this in right now i'm so tired my eyes look like piss holes in the snow. 7