horus829 Jun 2003

Because in the real world that wouldn't happen, and in a imaginary world it would be considered unimaginatively boring, unorganic as far as the story goes, and irrelevant first off. Secondly, it's not my style, I tailored it to you. If it was mine, it wouldn't be posted because it has NO focus, no center. What you've done here is invented something better left to lie around longer in the hopes of being put to better use than that.

1) It's horrendously long.
2) has the shape of pigeon shit on a slow moving vehicle.
3) Attempts wildly to be cool and different, but insteads winds up cold and humorless.
4) Starts off at something worth writing about & ends up at something not worth reading entirely. Muwahhaha or not.
5) Writing is an exercise in communicating specific ideas. not to listen to yourself be unspecific