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Sanctuary

Member since 2003 · Posted 9 May 2003 · Edited 13 May 2003 · 8 comments

The world passes I watch from the peepholes neither friend nor foe is welcome here I am hunkered down waiting watching deep within the watchtower protected hidden well in the gray folding hills silent listening to the rush of rivers undetected safe sanctuary within walls of thick skin

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8 comments

[9] Bachus 9-May-03/12:02 PM Reply

I would change thin to thick, really. 9. (this was the best poem i've read in a bit, probably the last 30 congradulations)

[n/a] Lolly › Bachus 13-May-03/2:37 PM Reply

Thank you for the complement and for your suggestion. I think that thick does sound better,and makes more sense.

[10] thepinkbunnyofdoom 9-May-03/11:37 PM Reply

consider these as replacing your last lines with(walls within, hidden behind my thick skin) -9-

[n/a] Lolly › thepinkbunnyofdoom 13-May-03/2:35 PM Reply

Thanks for your input. I am thinking of changing the last line.

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 13-May-03/3:19 PM Reply

Wanktuary (Free verse) by -=Dark_Angel=-

The whore pisses
I watch from the peepholes
neither friend nor my mum
is welcome here
I am hunkered down
wanking
watching
deep within the crotchtower
protected
hidden well beneath the gray
folding sheets
silent
listening for the rush
of footsteps
undetected
safe wanktuary
within walls
no one will find out...

[n/a] horus8 › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 14-May-03/8:42 PM Reply

Good Shabbas.

[10] thepinkbunnyofdoom 14-May-03/7:17 PM Reply

Well Said. -10-

[n/a] horus8 14-May-03/9:01 PM Reply

The world passes over.
I watch from the peepholes.
Neither friend, nor foe
is welcome here.
I am hunkered down.

Waiting.

Watching.

Knowing.

Deep within this watchtower.
Protecting what is left.
Well hidden within a greying.
Folding hills, silent.
Opening fields, hushed.
listening to the rush
of distant rivers and
my heart thumping,
Aching, but still
undetected.
Safer, this sanctuary
These ancient walls.
My thick hide.
A guarded keep.
For heaven's sake.