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Sanctuary (Free verse) by Lolly The world passes
I watch from the peepholes
neither friend nor foe
is welcome here
I am hunkered down
waiting
watching
deep within the watchtower
protected
hidden well in the gray
folding hills
silent
listening to the rush
of rivers
undetected
safe sanctuary
within walls
of thick skin
Up the ladder:
A brief history in destruction
Down the ladder:
the shadowless night
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.75
Posted: May 9, 2003 11:14 AM PDT; Last modified: May 13, 2003 2:41 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.089402 Overall Rank: 6264 Comments:
[9]
Bachus @ 24.126.113.154
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9-May-03/12:02 PM
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Reply
I would change thin to thick, really. 9. (this was the best poem i've read in a bit, probably the last 30 congradulations)
[n/a]
Lolly @ 152.163.253.38
> Bachus
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13-May-03/2:37 PM
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Reply
Thank you for the complement and for your suggestion. I think that thick does sound better,and makes more sense.
consider these as replacing your last lines with(walls within, hidden behind my thick skin) -9-
Thanks for your input. I am thinking of changing the last line.
Wanktuary (Free verse) by -=Dark_Angel=-
The whore pisses I watch from the peepholes neither friend nor my mum is welcome here I am hunkered down wanking watching deep within the crotchtower protected hidden well beneath the gray folding sheets silent listening for the rush of footsteps undetected safe wanktuary within walls no one will find out...
Good Shabbas.
Well Said. -10-
The world passes over.
I watch from the peepholes. Neither friend, nor foe is welcome here. I am hunkered down. Waiting. Watching. Knowing. Deep within this watchtower. Protecting what is left. Well hidden within a greying. Folding hills, silent. Opening fields, hushed. listening to the rush of distant rivers and my heart thumping, Aching, but still undetected. Safer, this sanctuary These ancient walls. My thick hide. A guarded keep. For heaven's sake. 125 view(s)
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