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Damaged By 'Weakness' (Other) by Mr Pig Fear of conditions from the aftermath of intimacy,
Wanting to, but frightened.
Loneliness awaits so patient, so resident,
My amiable nemesis destroying me with familiarity,
Beauty stillborn from denials of happiness,
But if I touch you,
Could I be enlightened?
I keep my eyes open as we kiss,
Go away Father let me enjoy this.
I turn the light off and she laughs,
She turns the light on â I am challenged.
I want to be invisible but feel her touch,
But I am exposed by harsh light,
And she is expecting too much.
I was told that to be hugged is a weakness,
Yet all I felt was a sweetness,
Untouched like the varnish of a newborns palm,
Safe with feelings of weakness,
Yet profoundly guilty, but calm, so calm.
I heard the 5 o clock door in my mind,
And the whistling to tchaicovsky,
Then his purposely loud footsteps on the satin marrakesh,
My welcoming hug,
And his response GET OFF ME,
Alone in this same room with my Airfix models of âSpitfiresâ and
Messeschmidtsâ
Angrily shouting TAH TAH TAH,
In this same room I awake,
Still warm I reach out to hold her,
But she is not there
I open my eyes and she closes them permanent,
There is no shame in holding myself,
Although my fingers feel like stinging nettles
I am a river who prays for the mudslide,
A Russian doll unpainted,
Pure but longing to be tainted,
Living alone day to day,
Hoping for that 3 worded cliche,
..................I LOVE YOU !
Up the ladder:
Blind Fart
Down the ladder:
Desperately Searching
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.448276
Posted: April 10, 2003 7:26 AM PDT; Last modified: April 11, 2003 2:16 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.4471674 Overall Rank: 2970 Comments:
pig,
what do you want from me? editor's comments, or a woman's comments? or both? rsvp, z
Z,
Please ordain me with both. This is about the effect my father had on me being able to get close, one fears one is a tad frigid when it comes to the physical aspects of our desire. When I close my eyes I see my father who never held me, I wish he had, apparently they do, some of them. He wasw not present whilst this one side tenderness occured. Oh hickory dickory what have I done posting this, should I remove it, will people think I a freak Z?
piggy, i got that. a poem like this will get you chicks. when you battle your demons for *love*, chicks dig it.
as for people thinking you're a freak, so what? i'd rather that, personally. stir things up a bit. maybe get them thinking. so, when i wrote my oedipus stuff, i posted it. personally, i hope they do find me freakish. because i'd rather be that than complacent any day. it sucks that your dad was afraid to show loving kindness. it really does. but that's no reason you should hold back, especially if you feel yourself wanting to express it. sex is so much better when you can forget about perceptions and enjoy the other person, and how you please each other. lavish it on, piggy. it's good to love. trust me. and girls put up barriers too, so it's a double-fuck until you find someone you can let them down with. i'll have to give you the edits later. got no time today. send me your email, and i'll send you a more complete commentary. xo, z
What a lovely reply. Thank you Ma'm.
I must dash now Z to fix the leak in the summerhouse, I do hope you have your reply forthwith.
I look awfully tired as well maybe I need a hot martell and bed.
Nice. Very nice. Have a 9.
do you feel a little better after writing this? I always feel better after something deep comes up.
wonderful. Aint Z the best?
sorry to hear of your porking problem.
",
..................I LOVE YOU !" you can lose this, because the reader already knows, and if they don't by the end they don't deserve to.
Yes JH you are right of course it was not really required. For a moment I thought you were saying you loved me, oh well never mind. How are you anyway ? If I am ever in California near the napa valley it would be bloody wonderful to meet you and your effervescent sister.
Enjoy your weekends everyone, God Speed!
Z is so much better at this type of product, especially this length. I'll print, think and return with some tools for you perhaps. I'm yet a guppy myself.
Great concept and very good poem (9); but, present yourself in the best light and spell it right, MP.
Ok bro, I'll try not to steer you wrong.
S-1 line 2 is unnecessary, see line 1. (would) I be enlightened. S-2 lines 5/6 repeat 3/4 LIne 8 work into the last stanza lines 10 and 12 could merge, lose line 11 S-3 you could use "spitfires" to exclaim his response. the other plane is missing an (r) (I preferred Stukas, myself) drop the (but(s) A river waiting for a mudslide makes no sense (to me) and I'm unsure about the russian doll(my naivete prob.) Any way, hope that helps. Oh,also, All the thoughts are there, but they could stand some organizing. Best I can do for a piece so powerful. b.o.l. Rich
Thank you so much for your comments I perused them with interest. I agree about s1 line 2, and the blasted spellcheck does not suffice with German Aviation.
The river waiting for a mudslide is suggesting that my purity is waiting for the filth that I associate with affection. Once the mudslide occurs I am in a sense purified, normal, at peace with giving myself emotionally and physically. As soon as these emotion emerge again I will take light of your constructive suggestions and re-edit. For now farewell all.
i loved the way that you seem to ask her something(if i touch you,could i be enlightened) but matter of fact is you are more of asking your self,i liked the way you are trying to kill the ghost of you father who is trying to keep you away of the light you are searching for. "there is no shame in holding myself" this sounds like you are tring to convince yourself.i give it 10,awesome work.
Excellent on so many levels. 10 in my eyes.
Painful read. Horrible poem
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Take care amigo.
As Samuel Butler once said: 'Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat....until he eats THEM.
Go back to channel 16 on your TV, i am quite okay thank you.