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vent tent (Free verse) by Crakyamuni Shelter here now! embracing the displaced feelings you were dealing
like rocks your whole life through-
Fuck you! I never gave in to whatever was clever or benificial and
entirely superficial
It's official- you're regrets make you seem like the weakness of my
knees in a dreams last disease
With ease!- I can squeeze the juices out of this life never looking
for soul or strife, only sacrifice in the wake of a path readily taken
and forsaken
{}"}{}{}{}{{"}{"}{} sanity-equivelant to vanity
but there are times when it seems less than a shit riddled dream
it's here that fear lingers and tears
this place is all too familiar and yet never there
but why even express it's insight for those who couldn't or shouldn't
care.
Up the ladder:
inside me
Down the ladder:
When the Future Comes to Pass
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.571429
Posted: February 19, 2003 12:06 PM PST; Last modified: March 8, 2003 2:12 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.8847394 Overall Rank: 9931 Comments:
[6]
horus8 @ 24.126.113.154
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20-Feb-03/11:57 AM
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Reply
I have never heard a buddhist come out of left field like you just did to express his feelings in such a un-monkishishish way. You are my hero. you wouldn't know budha from Malthusian. maybe that's your gimmeck? give em hell kid! here i packed you a lunch and even wrote your name on it, so i wouldn't forget who you are and you would never remember and nobody brought a fgucking snack anyway, Chip.
Creative use of rhyme... but also maybe a problem? Rhyme can be troublesome when it comes to serious poetry. But I do like your rhymes... creative. You might want to look at the continuity of your explitives. They should be somewhat close in length, but your first one is longer than the others.
thanks for the feed back guy. I have a great deal to learn about rhyme form.
Rhyme is a bitch pure and simple. Hardly taken seriously these days along with meter. People see it as a dead art form. But I do like that fact taht you're trying it and strongly encourage it. Screw with it. Don't be afraid to do stupid rhymes. Who knows. And cool brackets and stuff.
Speaking of squeezing juice.
here's a molatov cocktail. http://www.gangbox.com/mp3/my%20name%20i omething i did in one take between shoe fittings, and reading asian jugs. 238 view(s)
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