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Slow motion (Free verse) by INTRANSIT I drove by
a cozy chateau
The lights glowed
occupants roamed
While outside
the world turned
as it snowed.
Up the ladder:
me
Down the ladder:
A Tale of Peter Pan
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.75
Posted: February 1, 2003 5:14 PM PST; Last modified: February 1, 2003 5:14 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.201706 Overall Rank: 4535 Comments:
[n/a]
thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 24.209.19.37
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1-Feb-03/7:28 PM
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Reply
Makes a good poening to a story but not much of a poem by itself. It needs more. I'll vote when you add to it.
[n/a]
INTRANSIT @ 205.188.192.189
> thepinkbunnyofdoom
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2-Feb-03/7:35 PM
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Reply
WELL KIDS, THIS IS CALLED ASSONANCE. IF I HAD REPEATED A HARD CONSONANT SOUND LIKE A "C" OR A "K" IT WOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED ALLITERATION. YOU CAN USE THESE TWO TECHNIQUES TO HELP SET THE TONE OF YOUR POEMS. HAVE FUN!
[n/a]
INTRANSIT @ 205.188.192.189
> INTRANSIT
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2-Feb-03/7:37 PM
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DON'T MEAN TO BE YELLING....FAULTY KIOSK.
Has a lot of potential, mr intransit. Keep going, though, I agree with the above comment, it does need a bit more.
* Opening
Have they named those microcosmed minature snow towns in the shake up see through glass globes yet?
No. I sent a couple of suggestions. They said they wanted more snooty type names like: Aspen and Vail.
I'll think on this while i'm drinking a fruity beverage on the beatche nexte...
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