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The darkest woods ever (Sonnet) by Shardik They were the darkest woods ever
At least that I had ever seen
Trees with leaves almost of leather
Animals, that struck me as too lean.
So I quickened up my rigid stride
While my eyes scanned for some light
If I had a horse, full speed I'd ride
If my lungs were not so tight.
I never should have dared to trespass
God damn shortcuts are always wrong
Where is my boyscout with his compass?
Why is this taking so awfully long!?
Wait... Is that a light I see up ahead?
No... Just the moon climbing higher instead.
Up the ladder:
PATIENCE
Down the ladder:
Rough draft of a poetry manifesto
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.2941175
Posted: January 22, 2003 10:32 PM PST; Last modified: February 26, 2003 2:27 PM PSTWeighted score: 7.0206523 Overall Rank: 60 Comments:
[6]
wOrnella Mutiw @ 198.81.26.167
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23-Jan-03/12:15 AM
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Reply
the situation you describe is funny, but the sonnet is not working for me. What's darkest ever? Trees with leafs of leather?...odd, the image doesn't work.....6
Once I went for a walk in the woods and trod in some dog poo.
Once i went for a walk in the woods and learned how to make mail bombs, and anthrax. I ate dogshit while i was there. Raw. Naw, just kidding, but my mother once left me for a night alone at a camp site in Kauai. i was molested by a poltergeist. i liked it. it changed me though forever now i have the dark streal, and not in my pants.
I like the leaves of leather, but it should be SHOULD HAVE, not SHOULD OF.
That is all.
Thank you. Some times my brain gets fuzzy hunting snarks.
where I grew up, actually, "should of" was the proper usage. Actually, "shoulda", to be precise. "Should have" would be correct if one were, say, mulling one's choice of supper flesh: "I wonder if I should have the greasy pork, or the bloody beef. The pork looks awful tempting, but the beef is better for my heart. Damn! I shoulda never let that fool woman talk me into going to the doctor inna first place. Now alls I do is worry about my goddamn heart."
beautiful, just beautiful
Very atmospheric. As ever, about the gap between reality and perception - or, to use Kantian terms, noumenon and phonemenon. Also, the last line reminds of a song by Half Man Half Biscuit called 'The Light at the End of the Tunnel is the Light of an Oncoming Train'. And anything that reminds me of the mighty merseyside combo must be good!
Funny
Shardik, I have a coment for you. BREAK FREE! Your material is interesting, if a little metaphysical, but you base your writing too much on rules, amd so your expression gets lost. Blame your english teachers, they impressed your mind way too much.
I would, but unfortunately i never went to school, and when i was there... English was definitely my worst subject. So, that said... let's blame the inorganic being i wrestled with in the new mexican desert on 20 buttons of peyote, and my relentless interest behind who really pushes the smoke button in the city of Oz. Shall we? Great... here's how i break free. enjoy your Sexton.
http://gangbox.com/mp3/dear%20mrs%20sext
Very nice. I go for walks through shoulder-high snowbanks. It's dark and echoey.
Delightful.
super tiz
3char1per
Here again, several useless inserts that, contrary to popular opinion, don't serve to hold a piece together, but depreciate it's value.
I like the third stanza. Masterful.
good!!
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