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Oaxaca city fragment

Member since 2002 · Posted 9 Sep 2002 · Edited 10 Sep 2002 · 9 comments

hollow gut women search shit filled gutters for food scraps mongrel pups ready for the razor and half feathered, Johne's infested starving cocks sniffed and pecked past, before being caught and butchered to feed bony yellow babies sickened by birth.

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16 votes so far. Yours would make 17.16 votes so far

9 comments

[9] <~> 9-Sep-02/9:35 PM Reply

a sharp-edged shard, this is. you paint it clean in my mind.

[9] god'swife 9-Sep-02/10:51 PM Reply

There is a strong contrast to your other poems. I like that effect. Although they too venture into the unseemly realities, this one is particulary dark. 40 words 13 of them harsh. I want to know more. Look to the left, look to the right. Walk down the street, enter. Plus you used my favorite word.

[2] ==Doylum 10-Sep-02/5:36 AM Reply

Like every other you is, toe rag tiht head u are a can top bar steward ri keth of os cular downlow, keeping it real like that. Hard hittin man. Obsidian optometrists, napping just for you.

[8] Christof 10-Sep-02/6:43 AM Reply

Really good visceral stuff, but might read more easily if 'passed' became 'past' and if the women searched in the past tense with the cocks.

[n/a] poetandknowit › Christof 10-Sep-02/8:49 AM Reply

Thanks for the catch Christof. I want to keep it in present tense considering it is only a fragment, at least now, in a series of fragments taken from doing work south of the border (US that is). The cocks (as in fighting), many are let loose and roam the streets, and pups (everywhere) have already gone by so what they have done, sniffed and pecked, is past tense, and what the women are doing is present and future perfect (butcher) I suppose. Quite the scene though if you are ever down that way.

[8] Christof › poetandknowit 10-Sep-02/8:54 AM Reply

It reminds me of similar scenes in Spain - the closest I've ever come to Mexico. It does sound amazing, and good luck with your tense bending activities.

[8] [mojo] 10-Sep-02/12:43 PM Reply

Hard to read, guess that makes it well written? Hard to give a particularly good score to something so unpleasant.7. Hey, enough of the poetry advice, you need some travel guidance...next time go to Taxco, it's pretty. Come to think of it Mexico City seems better than the place you describe :). Hell, make that 8, it makes me feel good about living in the UK.

[8] horus8 13-Sep-02/7:58 PM Reply

oh great now my gums are bleeding 8/10/

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 22-Oct-03/8:20 AM Reply

If by "birth" you mean nentwined's Haiku of the same name then I applaud the sentiment if not the frequent, and somewhat baffling, references to urban decay.