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A Sheepâs Wish (Free verse) by Dovina Born under Aries, you can call me ewe
Rams batter (Iâm flattered)
bruising brothers with butts
to garner my favor
I bleat for the black one
roll eyes at the spotted
then gloat as their heads
collide all the harder
If they knew what I wanted
theyâd give up the struggle
build nests like the thrush
then sing me their songs
Iâd tour the neighborhood
test furnishing and fur
hear scratching of ramhorn
then choose me a mate
But my suitors keep butting
like blood-sucking fleas
who plant killer germs
in animals they need
Why canât these rams
do their work in the day
gather nuts like the squirrel
nectar like bees
And remember when they
like this lamb at my side
had good homes for retiring
and swim there like salmon
He could mate with me there
rest finally in peace
ignoring the common sheep
who can do as they please
Up the ladder:
ode to summer dreams
Down the ladder:
Sand Snipe
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.5555553
Posted: January 23, 2006 4:15 PM PST; Last modified: January 23, 2006 4:15 PM PSTWeighted score: 6.2777777 Overall Rank: 907 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
Seems like you want them to be anything but rams. Good luck with that.
We want them to be gentle, thatâs all. And we know itâs not their nature, at least for many rams. The poem overstates that, I admit, but itâs for emphasis. Good point.
But only "when" you want us to be gentle.
What on earth do you mean? I always want a gentleman!
Oh look the irony detector went off:)
e-c has most of it nailed but, "choose me a mate"? Drop the -me- and i shant be bugged a-more.
I liked this alot. Very good.
This piece is written well, although there's times of break in flow and idea. Maybe with a bit of rearrangement of words you could do better.
Yeah, several have said similar things. Thanks. I've already revised it, and could ropost, but usually don't. I find it more useful to incorporate any insights or angsts into the new thing.
Yes, clever and entertaining, I like this one.
Thanks, but I'm toying with a revision to improve the meter and rhyme. Maybe thei:
Born under Aries, you can call me ewe Rams batter (Iâm flattered) bruising brothers with butts to garner my favor I bleat for the black one roll eyes at the spotted then gloat as their heads collide all the harder If they knew what I want theyâd give up the fight build nests like the thrush and sing at first light Iâd examine their dwellings for comfort and view hear scratchings of ramhorns then bleat, maybe coo But my suitors keep butting like blood-sucking fleas who plant killer germs in animals they need Why canât these rams go to work and stay busy gather nuts like the squirrel suck nectar like bees? And remember when they like this lamb at my side though gone far as the salmon come home with the tide We could flee this herd mate softly in peace shun sheep without vision who can fight if they please 291 view(s)
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Your comments on poems by others have likewise seemed worthwhile. I see youâve been commenting since 11/02, but your poems are few and recent. I am much newer here and canât help wondering what username you went by then and what happened to the many poems you must have posted before this January. No answer is necessary, and I wonât keep bugging. Itâs good have you around.
It's much more fun to leave the question open and unanswered.
(Don't assume much from my poems--I write in character a lot.) ;)