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A Sheep’s Wish (Free verse) by Dovina

Born under Aries, you can call me ewe Rams batter (I’m flattered) bruising brothers with butts to garner my favor I bleat for the black one roll eyes at the spotted then gloat as their heads collide all the harder If they knew what I wanted they’d give up the struggle build nests like the thrush then sing me their songs I’d tour the neighborhood test furnishing and fur hear scratching of ramhorn then choose me a mate But my suitors keep butting like blood-sucking fleas who plant killer germs in animals they need Why can’t these rams do their work in the day gather nuts like the squirrel nectar like bees And remember when they like this lamb at my side had good homes for retiring and swim there like salmon He could mate with me there rest finally in peace ignoring the common sheep who can do as they please

ecargo 23-Jan-06/7:11 PM
Starts off really clever and cute, with some nice alliteration and end-rhymes (garner, favor, harder), but those elements seem to get lost in the rest of it. The last six stanzas don't meet the promise of the first two (although the last stanza picks up the similar sounds again, in peace, sheep, please and I do note the fleas/bees/please rhyme, but they're too far apart; not saying you need to endstop the rhymes, but maybe work them a little closer somehow). I do like how you looked to other critters for comparison.




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