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20 most recent comments by nentwined (741-760)

regarding some deleted poem... 27-Jul-02/11:48 PM
done. easier than I thought it would be. :)
Re: Note 2 Myself by Jigg 29-Jul-02/4:50 PM
this ain't no ode, but I still find it hilarious. :)
Re: Meta by nentwined 30-Jul-02/10:53 PM
yeah. This poem was written in response to a greek philosophy class. I've read (most of) Godel, Escher, Bach... it really dragged on. Didn't care much for the treatment. :)
Re: you're never alone by nentwined 30-Jul-02/10:53 PM
to settle -- yes, actually, I do. :)
Re: you're never alone by nentwined 30-Jul-02/10:54 PM
to horus -- uh, hrm? or is that payback for the poem?
regarding some deleted poem... 31-Jul-02/3:54 AM
how do you mean?
regarding some deleted poem... 31-Jul-02/3:56 AM
that's pretty funkadelic. I think I like the idea but I'm not sure how in the hell I'd calculate it. so they would be "real", but still not, in that they'd be multiplied by some weight for how long they've held their current value. so.... erm... erm?
Re: Within A World by forestchild7 31-Jul-02/4:29 AM
the flow feels off for me; it would feel much more immediate, for instance, if "streaming past me in little patches of gold" read as "streaming past in patches of gold". (and so on...)

a nice message, but I couldn't get into it as a poem.
regarding some deleted poem... 31-Jul-02/4:29 AM
weird. I like the imagery that you're trying for but don't think you pull it off so well...
regarding some deleted poem... 31-Jul-02/4:34 AM
fortunately it was irreperably damaged? I do not think that word means what you think it means. who plays "and unfair game"? an?

a sweet sentiment overall but I don't get anything new out of this; I can't really get into it. it reads too awkwardly for me.
regarding some deleted poem... 31-Jul-02/4:35 AM
Hmm. Sounds like apoptygma berzerk. (I'd file this under lyrics as opposed to freeform, personally... all the "yaaaaaaaa"s....) can't say it moved me.
Re: Tate Street 1956 by wunboi 31-Jul-02/4:41 AM
this is rather sweet; I like the mood and the flow. I don't get why you call it a concrete poem, though -- don't see what you're getting at, there.
Re: Chuds in the mall by razorgrin 31-Jul-02/4:45 AM
this is really funny. :)
Re: The Spankbox by Garrett S Sexton 31-Jul-02/4:46 AM
good flow. umm. I don't get "slaven". and "pain they devise" feels like one syllable too many. and I really don't get the hell what you're saying, if you are saying anything...
Re: Porn by New Life Drug 31-Jul-02/2:17 PM
what does this have to do with porn? your grammar/spelling could use some touching up, but it seems like you're well into the world of teen angst.
Re: for Violet Jean by jay_dace 31-Jul-02/2:19 PM
no comma after "to which".

the first bit is cute. the second bit really doesn't help the poem, I think. I also think this could be better expressed. I don't find myself drawn in.
regarding some deleted poem... 1-Aug-02/1:39 AM
very pretty. a bit more proselike than your earlier poems here, I think. why did you remove them? (the earlier poems)

it's very strange to watch your children growing up through your poetry.

I could definitely see this piece in a chapbook.
Re: recent submissions by <~> 3-Aug-02/1:41 PM
beautiful. =)


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