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Tate Street 1956 (Concrete) by wunboi Its just a simple street
Cicadas drum their hindsticks
The air, a furnace of eucylpytus perfumed heat
Afternoon , summer ,Nineteen Fifty Six
In the yard big men sit
Beer,my dad, his mates
Between their legs enormous plates
A harvest of fresh........oysters
Remembers, only nine years
Since their defining time
With life so morning real
War days end in tears
A mate was there this morning
A friend with evening gone
In a month his wife is mourning
Since that day his loss they'v born
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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.1666665
Posted: July 17, 2002 4:49 AM PDT; Last modified: July 17, 2002 4:49 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.206188 Overall Rank: 13227 Comments:
[1]
horus8 @ 63.146.150.34
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19-Jul-02/3:51 PM
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Reply
jESUS DID YOU GUYS SAVE YOUR TRAILER? SAVE UNCLE STEVE THE MIDGET? LET YOUR AVERAGE, MEDIOCRE, LAZY,(NOT TO MENTION BORING AND ABOUT AS DESCRIPTIVE AS ME NARING MY HARRY ASSHOLE(WELL NO ACTUALLY THAT LAST LINE OF MINE WAS MORE INTERESTING THUS FAR, THEN YOUR ENTIRE BODY OF WORK) AND GET USE TO THIS COMMENTING BABY CUZ WHEN DARK ANFEL READS THIS SHIT" HE'S GONNA GO DE SADE" ON YOUR ASS, AND HAVE EVERY MIDGET IN THE WORLD GETTING DRUNK IN YOUR HONOR. SELF INDULGE ON THAT WUN-BOLL-NO-COCK
this is rather sweet; I like the mood and the flow. I don't get why you call it a concrete poem, though -- don't see what you're getting at, there.
sounds like a lovely summer memory, yet sad as it reveals what is happening to these people in their time
I think the last stanza lets it down a bit - the syntax in the last line is slightly hackneyed - but the opening is very atmospheric and the feeling is real. I'd cut the ellipsis though.
Yes that last stanza shows signs of laziness . Ill have to rework it . The elipsis? I guess you mean the line of stops. Point taken but Ill leave it anyway
Oh yeah, that's concrete. looks like a jagged edged something.
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