Replying to a comment on:

Tate Street 1956 (Concrete) by wunboi

Its just a simple street Cicadas drum their hindsticks The air, a furnace of eucylpytus perfumed heat Afternoon , summer ,Nineteen Fifty Six In the yard big men sit Beer,my dad, his mates Between their legs enormous plates A harvest of fresh........oysters Remembers, only nine years Since their defining time With life so morning real War days end in tears A mate was there this morning A friend with evening gone In a month his wife is mourning Since that day his loss they'v born

Christof 20-Sep-02/6:08 AM
I think the last stanza lets it down a bit - the syntax in the last line is slightly hackneyed - but the opening is very atmospheric and the feeling is real. I'd cut the ellipsis though.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001