on some deleted poem
25 Jul 2004, 7:49 AM
Kyrielle sonnet.. hrmm. Nice variant on the Kyrielle. Smashin. Blessed with eight.
on Flying things by INTRANSIT
25 Jul 2004, 7:56 AM
Good stuff, and I can relate to some of whats said, old friend. Blessed with nine, good luck and sharper pen points.
on Bankruptcy by INTRANSIT
22 Jul 2004, 5:56 AM
Much better. Ten.
on some deleted poem
22 Jul 2004, 5:56 AM
Revision can do wonders.. ten.
on Wholes: the year in reflection by impert&ent
22 Jul 2004, 6:06 AM
Not too bad really, for a love poem anyway. Blessed with seven.
on A Perverted Poet's Confession. by SupremeDreamer
14 Jul 2004, 6:11 AM
oh, PS:
FUCK LUBRICATION, GIVE ME FRICTION YOU FAGGOT ASS PUSSIES!!!!!
FUCK LUBRICATION, GIVE ME FRICTION YOU FAGGOT ASS PUSSIES!!!!!
on some deleted poem
12 Jul 2004, 10:49 PM
Smashin, but I think the last word in the last line should be 'fleeting' instead of "fleet". Other than that lil nitpick, it's solid. Blessed with ten.
on Zin/Enough/Things/Squeeze/Flow by gregsamsa222
13 Jul 2004, 2:04 AM
Brilliant. Love the build up..
Blessed with ten.
Blessed with ten.
on Bankruptcy (2) by INTRANSIT
6 Jul 2004, 11:56 PM
I was left feeling unsatisfied. ;/ Seven.
on Order My Book, And $4.00 Will Go To Killing A Pop Star by <{Baba^Yaga}>
6 Jul 2004, 11:08 PM
I'll promptly put it on my to-do list. nine.
on Back Slidin' by Quarton
6 Jul 2004, 11:59 PM
You wanna know somethin? You can make this into a pretty good villanelle split in two or three smashin versions or parts. That aside, heres an eight.
on some deleted poem
7 Jul 2004, 12:04 AM
Welcome back to our murderous embrace abe. Pay no mind to the neurotic suffocation or my curvy savvy-sharp blade.
Blessed with nine.
Blessed with nine.
on Mother nature's creation (Terza Rima sonnet) by sanity
4 Jul 2004, 9:10 AM
In all honesty, I must ask:
wheres the fire, and why do I feel so limp? Take my five and be gone!
wheres the fire, and why do I feel so limp? Take my five and be gone!
on some deleted poem
3 Jul 2004, 9:18 PM
I'm running on mental fumes, so I'll be brief an to the mother-fucking point:
bloated. You could make this into a haiku. Over-elaborated language applied with careless abandon. The analogy with "the itsy bitsy spider" causes me to start reciting that cursed ditty in the middle of your piece and is also much too fucking weak for what your trying to express.
Stop gilding the goddamn glitter and fucking put some intelligence and poetic common-sense into it. No Vote. Good Day.
bloated. You could make this into a haiku. Over-elaborated language applied with careless abandon. The analogy with "the itsy bitsy spider" causes me to start reciting that cursed ditty in the middle of your piece and is also much too fucking weak for what your trying to express.
Stop gilding the goddamn glitter and fucking put some intelligence and poetic common-sense into it. No Vote. Good Day.
on Recycled Stardust by Quarton
3 Jul 2004, 5:24 PM
I think perhaps having wrapped up your point under the stout umbrella of science wasn't exactly the best choice you could have made... science being a beast of logical order and strict substantiation leaves little room for a poet to roam creatively.. etc, etc.
Did you ever consider taking the philosophical/metaphysical approach? Which goes hand in hand with poetry much more gracefully than science, in my opinion. (and no, I don't mean to belittle science in any way shape or form-- so all you cursed magus' of strict order & verification can refrain from swarming in packs 'pon my back..)
Also, the way you worded it made it obviouse that you were in the throes of seduction.. and the thing you have with stardust does seem like your modern "new-age occult hippie-ism."
I liked the core idea of the poem despite all that, though my understanding of it could be my deluded twisting at work... I suggest going about it again in a less romanticised fashion and try to be more organic & I dare say aesthetic to effectively express your apparent solipsism.
Did you ever consider taking the philosophical/metaphysical approach? Which goes hand in hand with poetry much more gracefully than science, in my opinion. (and no, I don't mean to belittle science in any way shape or form-- so all you cursed magus' of strict order & verification can refrain from swarming in packs 'pon my back..)
Also, the way you worded it made it obviouse that you were in the throes of seduction.. and the thing you have with stardust does seem like your modern "new-age occult hippie-ism."
I liked the core idea of the poem despite all that, though my understanding of it could be my deluded twisting at work... I suggest going about it again in a less romanticised fashion and try to be more organic & I dare say aesthetic to effectively express your apparent solipsism.
on Mississippi Burnin. by SupremeDreamer
2 Jul 2004, 10:27 AM
Couldn't leave it alone. It's better this way me thinks. heh.
on Recycled Stardust by Quarton
2 Jul 2004, 11:52 AM
An enjoyable read. Blessed with nine.
on today the world is beauty by nentwined
2 Jul 2004, 11:54 AM
Sounds like a baby infant. Blessed with eight.
on some deleted poem
27 Jun 2004, 5:25 AM
Beautiful in its cold mellow rage. Blessed with ten.
on Psilocybin, and the Tale of a Happy Stoner by ARTIE
27 Jun 2004, 5:39 AM
trod on oh whispering vitalist. nine.