| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-Sep-02/6:46 PM |
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thank you for sharing the magicke. i feel blessed to have been in its presence
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-Sep-02/6:47 PM |
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why are there no prawnes in this poeme? are not prawnes magical?
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| Re: My cousin's baby sitter. by Bachus |
9-Sep-02/9:34 PM |
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| Re: Oaxaca city fragment by poetandknowit |
9-Sep-02/9:35 PM |
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a sharp-edged shard, this is. you paint it clean in my mind.
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| Re: The Writing Life by poetandknowit |
9-Sep-02/9:37 PM |
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and measures you by the fact that your lawn's not edged...right? this made me laugh. these are the neighbors i grow my dandelions for, p&k.
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| Re: I Love You!! by Babieflirt |
9-Sep-02/9:40 PM |
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OH...MY...GAWD!!! i coulnd't have said it better myself. um, i mean, i couldn't have said it. at least not like this. prithee, Jesu, show mercy, for i have not: 1
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-Sep-02/10:10 PM |
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hey! i got mine at walmart. it was a rollback...i even hit the car behind me and they let me charge it anyways. so what are you tyrying to say?
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| Re: Waking Up by PawnedTidal |
9-Sep-02/10:14 PM |
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this one's growing on me...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-Sep-02/10:16 PM |
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i canna figure out what you are trying to convey here. how do you deadhead an ocean? fill it with jerry's fans? clip away the wasted blooms? why!
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| Re: My cousin's baby sitter. by Bachus |
10-Sep-02/11:23 AM |
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sorry h. it's tew good to be bad. but here's a cupla zero for you, nonetheless.
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| Re: My cousin's baby sitter. by Bachus |
10-Sep-02/11:24 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
10-Sep-02/11:27 AM |
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STOP IT! STOP THIS INSTANT!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
10-Sep-02/11:28 AM |
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dude, it's not working for ya.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
10-Sep-02/11:30 AM |
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satan. now it all comes clear. go get a cat.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
10-Sep-02/11:30 AM |
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hallowed. not hollowed. unless you're carving a pumkin, dammit.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
10-Sep-02/11:31 AM |
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ah, amalea. someone thought you were -=Dark_Angel=-. it was ot me. here, have a medium.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
10-Sep-02/11:44 AM |
what did you change? would need necessarily equate to tender-hearted kisses? wouldn't it have more to do with flame? why fall back like that? help me mrs.g. i flounder.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Sep-02/8:46 AM |
morning, mrs.g. a coupla things: did you mean to repeat 'some magic'? the 'though once as a child he killed a friend' part feels disjointed; what about 'but' instead of 'though', since the magic was too strong for him at that age? and i'm not sure that 'annoyingly' is the right word to convey his sense of frustration with his magic. you can drop the second 'only', in the standing watching part...how about 'he lets only his fingers sing' instead? better rhythm? 'bled' instead of 'bleed'; maybe he dreamt everything was in smoldering ruins, like that childhood village?
a few ideas....like the concept. z
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Sep-02/8:51 AM |
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i'm not a hater. i just thought you might like to get it right, since you went to the trouble of creating a very vivid image.
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| Re: Gone Away by Christof |
11-Sep-02/8:56 AM |
but doesn't the calculating make the time go slower? your obsession with her is palpable. 'when i murmur only 5 days, i know it will seem like ten, and that you will leave...again'
(sorry, i can't seem to get past the rhyme in my suggestion, but i do think this could tighten up appreciably.) keep at it. hope these helped. z
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