| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Feb-03/9:38 PM |
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Your ending is weak; this rage-enfused treatise requires something stronger.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Feb-03/9:43 PM |
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Painful, keening, sober. Drink the salt water with me, sister.
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| Re: Lamente el prostitute by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
24-Feb-03/4:20 PM |
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This entire series is money, my friend. Well done.
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| Re: (untitled) by Ray |
24-Feb-03/4:50 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Feb-03/9:31 PM |
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| Re: Ode to necrophilia by Bobjim |
24-Feb-03/9:34 PM |
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Wouldn't that lead to coprophilia?
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| Re: rhyming letter by bxjay170 |
24-Feb-03/9:34 PM |
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Forget the pass--tell her, and spare us.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Feb-03/9:41 PM |
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My, but your heart is out for all to see. It is difficult to suggest something as trite as this in the face of such emotional bravura, but, what this work dearly needs is a sharp edit--punctuation and capitalisation must be forced to do your will, mistress del corazon.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Feb-03/9:42 PM |
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Upstart. You dazzle yourself, so.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Feb-03/9:43 PM |
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This would make a better painting.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Feb-03/10:13 PM |
Darkness in the heart, where no light reaches: that is the unnamed thing, missing here.
I would like to know, in S1, what are you trying to get close as possible to?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Feb-03/8:01 AM |
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Where is your Golden Mean, Wunderkind?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Feb-03/3:02 PM |
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Could be funny, but it tries too hard. And, the meter is off. (Perhaps you should let go of your peter.)
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| Re: Greek Tragedy#1 by Mr Pig |
25-Feb-03/3:07 PM |
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Ah, Pig. I would like the chance to tweak this for you, but it needs a night in my unconscious. I shall sleep with it under my pillow, and, if you'll permit me, offer some words on the morrow.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Feb-03/5:32 PM |
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| Re: The Blooding by Mr Pig |
26-Feb-03/5:53 PM |
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Black jelly on your tongue, indeed. Bravo.
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| Re: Her bloody diamonds by Bachus |
26-Feb-03/5:57 PM |
A suggestion:
try and ease the connections between the lines. Make the rhythm more natural, easy, as spoken word. This is base carbon, and pressure must be applied; too much, and striations ruin the effect; too little, marcasite. You, sir, are a smooth-tongued devil. I sense it is not beyond your ken to make the needed modifications. I anticipate the boldness of the results. Accept this seven, for now. I assure you there is an eleven in hiding. Your task will be to draw it out.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Feb-03/7:14 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Feb-03/7:21 PM |
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Your short stanza hurt this most; they are awkward as the years they sspeak of. Refine these, and, miller's daughter, you have spun gold.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Feb-03/7:22 PM |
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