| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Aug-03/2:19 PM |
What happened between bandgeek and balding ass-squirt collector? 'Bandgeek' may have described 'you' earlier in your life, but no longer.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Aug-03/10:33 PM |
A nicely done romantic image, hare.
As far as suggestions, I would consider replacing the first line of this poem. You assume first off that the reader is shallow and unromantic and then proceed to give a romantic description hoping the reader will understand it.
I do like how in showing this picture to a visitor you get sucked into it and eventually forget your visitor completely, asking,
"Do you remember..." obviously you aren't talking to the visitor because the visitor has never met this woman.
It gives the feeling of a senile old man who has seen this picture and got lost in it and never returned to the realization that someone is sitting with him. In this way it is not only an interesting sentimental poem but also a description of age.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Aug-03/10:52 PM |
Well written (beautiful even), but even such splendid costumes as these cannot disguise grumpy old men with poor eyesight.
But these codgers were much more entertaining than an afternoon with the rational sociologists.
Just never go to Texas with this attitude because EVERYONE from Texas is a gun-totin' cowboy waitin' fer ta sling yer furner ass in a noose.
I think if you really wanted to be clever this would be a two part poem:
1.) Japan L.A.
2.) U.S. Kyoto
Because only Japan's culture is as fucked up as America's
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| Re: on your birthday by peaceseeker |
13-Aug-03/10:56 PM |
Certainly better than blue-mountain, but not quite the chorus to Henry V:
"O, pardon! since a crooked figure may
Attest in little place a million;
And let us, ciphers to this great accompt,
On your imaginary forces work."
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| Re: whilst the bells ring by richa |
15-Aug-03/8:16 AM |
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actually got chills at the last two lines... must be worth a 10
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| Re: The truth about our friend Horus by Sir.Psycho.Sexy |
15-Aug-03/5:30 PM |
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Apparently someone turned off the roast and added a direct flame. (washes hands and walks away)
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| Re: A look at Horus8 by Sir.Psycho.Sexy |
15-Aug-03/5:31 PM |
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Apparently someone turned off the roast and added a direct flame. (washes hands and walks away)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Aug-03/9:57 PM |
S1 and 2 - beautiful to read
I would keep weathering S3, though.
(between the godsdeath and woodlilies)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Aug-03/10:09 PM |
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I wish to compliment you on 'ran a dry rag', although my brain protests. Can you humour me with an explanation?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Aug-03/4:48 PM |
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| Re: goofy poem to prove I'm not morbid (Ode to an Onion) by greym0on |
1-Sep-03/9:48 AM |
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40 quid on onion any day of the week.
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| Re: Peach (Revision) by http://mulberryfairy |
1-Sep-03/10:08 AM |
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The end of this poem is really nice: how the narrator's self-conscious claim of remoreselessness actual reveals guilt (if not about secreting away the peach, then certainly about not feeling guilty about stealing away the peach).
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Sep-03/5:16 PM |
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So I would suggest changing this to 'Pimple' please. Enjoy.
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| Re: Ashes to Ashes by Irischer Junge |
1-Sep-03/5:23 PM |
Spelling, please.
I myself am agnostic but I'm not going to trash you just because you believe in some religion.
What I will say is that (on this site at least) you should expect to be ridiculed. This ridicule will occur for three reasons: your style is abecedarian, you do not check your spelling, and your thoughts will be considered naive or at least unoriginal.
If you are trying to perfect the 'praise'.
That is to say if your real intent is to bring glory to some ideal you have, you are really going to have to work harder.
You can't just say majesty, you have to make people feel it. It honestly makes me wonder whether you believe in god less than I do.
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| Re: Some Things by Christof |
2-Sep-03/1:46 AM |
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| Re: Instructions to a Sculptor by Christof |
2-Sep-03/1:47 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-Sep-03/3:50 PM |
Think about these comment, CLS. Just because you see problems with the world does not mean that you understand them enough to know which problems are addressable and which are not - and even if they are addressable how the hell to go about doing it. Try something bold and uncharacteristic next time in this vein.
Only when you truly challenge what you think you know about the world will you interest others enough to really start asking themselves questions.
Is it possible that the best way to God is through hell?
Is it possible to save lives through killing?
Is it possible that an athiest can lead men to God better than any apostle?
Sometimes the racist pederast saves the day.
Sometimes abortion prevents violent crime.
Sometimes recycling harms the environment.
If you want to compose then you must start listening to the sound the world makes when you don't interrupt it.
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| Re: When He's In Me by J.B. Manning |
2-Sep-03/4:02 PM |
sweat so sweet that sour seems discreet... yum
(a 7 for finding your way into my closet)
'I love being queer' leaks momentum, however. We can tell you like it without you telling us.
For some reason I'm not fond of the invitation/interpretation bit as well.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-Sep-03/10:09 PM |
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I always enjoy what you select to present (even if it is not your own this time)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Sep-03/12:01 AM |
Seen in this context it is interesting that we fear death of the illusion and do not fear the true death.
The reason is functional: we cannot operate with constant fear
The message is simple: John Donne for 2003
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