| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-Sep-04/6:48 AM |
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| Re: Nothing's Forever by cuddlytiger17 |
7-Oct-04/9:01 AM |
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too good to be a pimple where is the blood and whining?
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| Re: End by Sasha |
12-Oct-04/2:32 AM |
I've been reading Larkin lately and this one reminded me a bit of toads revisited. The whole poem to me is very polished and focused. One of the best seasonal poems I've read in a while.
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| Re: Locomotive's Graveyard by longships |
12-Oct-04/2:36 AM |
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You've given these dead loco's the kiss of life here and mucho respect for not dragging on too long with it. Lines 6/7 are can be explored further i feel, the greatness of of something now rusting away as fields bloom before them.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Oct-04/2:40 AM |
S4 L1 lose: please
S5 L2 lose : ever so
S4 L4 can we change tears down my face they would obviously be on your face.
There is potential in here and it just needs a tweak or 3, The opening is good but the last 4 lines limp.
Woven shield is lovely.
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| Re: For Beth, after anal intercourse by zodiac |
12-Oct-04/2:43 AM |
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Anyone who can successfully utilize rhyming insertion and person deserves a pat on the back. I hope people dont just look at this as a laugh as to me there seemed something more.
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| Re: The Company You Keep by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
12-Oct-04/2:43 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Oct-04/2:48 AM |
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Drop so from last line. Strong opening loved lines 1/2 2nd parts weakens the poem because it builds rather than capitalizes. Pretty good but it seemed rushed in parts
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| Re: Cast Iron Coffin by D. $ Fontera |
12-Oct-04/2:49 AM |
Lose the message in brackets - fuck it
the rest is refreshingly original so for that ___7
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| Re: Feast On Me by cuddlytiger17 |
12-Oct-04/2:52 AM |
Too good for a pimple too inconsistent in quality for a poem, the idea of being feasted upon could be elaborated on sooner as the end is the strongest part but by then i lost interest.
Not bad - not good. 5
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| Re: Ponder on Pagan. by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
12-Oct-04/2:53 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Oct-04/7:25 AM |
Footnote.
All things are not how they seem.
Ravens / Crows and other corvid species have been linked to death and omens by human superstition. Corvid's are natural predators deemed evil for their dark insiduous appearance, however sparrows are opportunists and like cuckoo's will invade nests and eat eggs from other species such as the thrush (robin).
The human involvement is lightly metaphorical as he like the Robin is a victim of a broken home and death not always delivered by something we deem as evil.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-Oct-04/7:25 AM |
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I have learned to lay off too much sauce after reading this. Not too much just the right amount of vodka in this shot.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
22-Oct-04/2:55 AM |
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Quite horus8 like - love the title, good job.
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| Re: Ghost Of Angels by Caducus |
26-Oct-04/8:19 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Oct-04/11:22 AM |
killer opening really cool
likey - very much
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Oct-04/11:25 AM |
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Distinctive, real refreshing to see thoughts/poetry like this.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Oct-04/4:50 AM |
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Focused poetry and its so good to see quality time results in quality with your work
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Oct-04/4:52 AM |
How shit is this 2 comments on a rare form of poetry.
Ed this is awesome the end in particular.
bet the next person to comment mentions a prawne or takes the piss.
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| Re: Butterflies by Caducus |
4-Nov-04/1:32 AM |
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God was i just optimistic?
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